31 March 2006

Friday Funk Lyrics, 31 March 2006

It's another Funky Friday.

I'm going to go with some Bay Area Funk/Hip-Hop/Novelty Hybrid Action (in honor of this week's South Park)

Digital Underground qualifies. Their Sex Packets album is actually a pretty fine album, and almost all the beats are based on samples from PFunk, so they do bring the funk.

Do you still know how to do the Humpty Dance?

Verse One:
All right!

Stop whatcha doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny
but yo I'm makin' money see
so yo world I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I'm skinny
It never stopped me from gettin' busy
I'm a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm ugly but it just don't faze me.
I'm still gettin' in the girls' pants
and I even got my own dance
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Verse Two:
People say "Yo, Humpty, you're really funny lookin'"
that's all right 'cause I get things cookin'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can't get near me
I give 'em more, see, and on the floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I'm still gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits
Also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like to write.
All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
and now I'm gonna do my dance.
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It's real easy to do--check it out

Verse Three:

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That's all right 'cause my body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Hump.
Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Let's get stoopid!
Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world,
keep on doin' the Humpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and humptiness forever
{Music and fade}

29 March 2006

It Was As If They Wrote the Episode Just for ME

This week's South Park, probably the greatest 22 minutes in TV history.

(or not)

Let's see you have effin hippies, SMUG, drug taking toddlers, hybrid driving assholes who become addicted to the smell of their own farts (plus lots of digs at SF and George Clooney).

Yep, that's televisual and comedic perfection.

Watch it already, you know you want to.

28 March 2006

Choosing Teams

(found via Hugh Hewitt (who conducts the interview) plus LGF comments, too)

Michael Ware (read the whole radioblogger transcript, or listen to the mp3, decide for yourself) has chosen teams, and he chose the wrong one.

When he was on Bill Maher last week (video at link, from exposetheleft.com) he came across as a self-aggrandizing ass, and adrenaline junky, idiotic, but not dangerous.

After reading the above I've changed my mind.

Whether or not what he describes doing as Time's lead Baghdad correspondent matches the technical definition of treason doesn't matter.

What he has done is treacherous, what he has failed to do risks the lives of coalition troops, Iraqi troops, and Iraqi civilians.

He has chosen to be complicit with the enemy, of that I no longer doubt.

Should he die on his next trip out with the enemy, I won't shed a tear.

If Time/Warner helped Ware do what he did, or even condoned it, or really even knew about it and didn't fire him immediately, they should be held in utter, total and complete contempt and any reporting they do on any subject from now on must be held in equal contempt.

The whole interview reaffirms my view that what he did was vile, and very nearly unprecedented, for the key reason why I say so here's this quote from the transcripts

HH: Have you spent time with the jihadis?

MW: I have. I have. It's certainly not something that's simple to do at any time, particularly now. However, in the past, though, I have actually been with Zarqawi's organization on different occasions. I once was taken to a Zarqawi training camp, although I was not told that that's where I was going, or for quite a while, that that's where I was. I've been to some of their safe houses. I've received some of their propaganda materials. By the same token, trying to film them secretly in Baghdad, I was kidnapped by them, dragged out of my car, and a group of Syrian fighters for Zarqawi were preparing to execute me on the street here in Baghdad. So I've been with Zarqawi's people in a number of different forms. (italics, and bold mine)

He should have been considered persona non grata in Iraq long ago. CNN seemed proud of their 'gutsy' Australian Time Inc. (his latest missive, here) corporate cousin back in 2004, I wonder if they feel the same way once the discussion regarding this interview begins to ramp up?

Nevada has their known associates of organized crime list that you end up on whether or not you've ever been convicted of mob activity (and yes I know a guy, who knows a guy, if you get my drift), anyone on that list can't work in any capacity for casinos, I think the U.S. should have a 'known associate of terrorists' lists for journalists. Anyone working a bit too closely with the enemy should be permanently banned from any hotspot around the world, and if they aren't already a U.S. citizen should also be banned from ever entering this country.

There should be real consequences for choosing the wrong side in this war.

I'm not saying Ware should be thrown in jail, but he should be expelled from Iraq and banned from Afghanistan, plus I'd have no problem if he's never allowed to set foot in this country, ever again.

Some stories don't require balance, there is no compelling reason to allow idiots to propagandize for the enemy and retain their status or protection by our forces.

Choose the wrong side, pay some price, that's not too much to ask.

He's free to write what he wants, think what he wants, scour the streets of Baghdad for thrills, chills and stories, but when you essentially admit to 'embedding' with terrorists frequently, that's a step too far, and though the press may be free, it should also have some common sense, and right now, some in the press aren't showing much in the way of common sense.

One last taste of the interview before you decide that I'm just some right-wing nut unhappy with the poor press coming out of Iraq and looking for some scapegoat to lash out upon
HH: Okay, indulge me, a lawyer, and you're a lawyer, so you know. I'm just trying to get a sense of it. Has it been five different times out with the jihadists and 20 different times with the insurgents? I'm not looking for minute counts here, but I am trying to get a sense of how often you'll cross over to the other side and spend time with them.

MW: Well, I suppose it's a matter of how you look at crossing over, too. But I mean, I guess I've dealt with jihadis in one form or another perhaps a dozen, couple of dozen times, and the Baathists, many, many times. I mean, to constantly reassess where these guys are, I mean, as military intelligence does, trying to take their pulse of how sophisticated they are, how under pressure they are, how well financed they are or aren't, how organized they are, what morale is like. You constantly have to keep dipping into the well to see where they are. So with the Baathists, with the military types, it's many, many, many times.

HH: Okay, let me put a floor on it then. At least 18 times with the jihadists, and 30 or 40 times with the insurgents.

MW: Yeah, you could easily say that.

UPDATE: At the end of his post regarding this interview, Mr. Hewitt suggests some questions for a symposium regarding all this, here's his questions and my answers, for what it's worth

Is Michael Ware doing a good job as a journalist? Is he helping or hurting the effort to pacify Iraq and help it towards stable democracy? Should Time recall him? Should there be a time limit on all journalists in a theater of conflict like Iraq?

Michael Ware good job?
I don't he's taken the idea of objectivity and getting both sides of the story far too far, and in doing so has ruined any credibility he may have as a journalist, and worse yet, distorts the facts, distorts his reporting, and undermines the efforts of the coalition and the Iraqis working to put their country back together.

Help or Hurt Iraq?
Hurting big time, when Time gives the insurgence a soapbox, that gives them hope that the coalition and the new Iraqi government can be defeated in the long run. The insurgency will be defeated, but the time it takes will be lengthened the longer the likes of Michael Ware aid the insurgency.

Shoud Time Recall Him?
Actually they should forget they ever knew him, regardless of what Time thinks they should do with him, the Iraqi government should EXPEL the idiot (despite his obvious physical bravery, he also demonstrates a mental laxity that earns him the idiot designation)

Time limit on journalist in theater?
Probably not a bad idea for the sanity of each correspondent, but as a steadfast rule, that shouldn't be imposed by anyone outside of each organization or individual. Any reporter should have the right to be there, until they've earned (like Michael Ware has done) a forcible expulsion through their actions (and as far as I know, he's the only one, as far as expulsion goes I'd set a very high bar, but even with that bar set high, Michael Ware has easily vaulted over it)

Sacrilege, Good Design, Or Both?

I vote both, I think the rosary pull chain pushes it towards sacrilege, but these lamps still look pretty cool (also, I think a lot of catholics I know (lapsed and otherwise) would probably think about buying one or two of these anyway).

(somehow the above resonates on some level with this post over at Michelle Malkin)

(found at Gizmodo)

Next Year's Snakes on a Plane?

(from Variety, by way of Defamer)

Christopher Walken is set to star alongside Dan Fogler in "Balls of Fury," the pingpong comedy written by "Reno 911" creators Thomas LennonThomas Lennon and Robert Ben GarantRobert Ben Garant.

Garant will direct for Rogue Films. Pic shoots in June.

Walken plays Fang, an evil crime lord who is also a pingpong enthusiast. Fogler, the Tony-winning star of "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee," plays a disgraced player enlisted by the CIA to join a tournament held in Fang's lair. Lennon plays the comeback kid's East German nemesis.

It will no doubt be crappy, yet, Christopher Walken, ping pong enthusiast crime lord? Genius

Also, will there be cowbells (autoloading QT stream at link)?

And have you volunteered for his Presidential Campaign yet?

(speaking of SoaP, we have a skeptic in our midst, pray for our brother, sistren and brethren, for he knows not what he says, by August 18th he will comeback to the true path and once again see the light)

(and while we are at it, let me add this simple defense for SoaP, Keith Dallas is in the movie (pictured above with Owen Wilson) and Owen Wilson (aka The Butterscotch Stallion) isn't (pictured above with Keith Dallas), and the character he plays, Big Leroy, 'nuff said)

(one other thing, will the marketing team come out with SoaP SOAP (it would have to be on Rope, SoaP SOAP on a Rope, sounds like a winner to me)?)

27 March 2006

This Ain't Funny

Immigration Protestors March On Downtown Los Angeles Freeway

(Los Angeles, CA) -- Hundreds of people who were protesting immigration reform legislation have have been removed from a freeway in downtown Los Angeles. The California Highway Patrol says that around one o'clock this afternoon they began receiving reports of people marching northbound on the Harbor (110) Freeway in downtown L.A. When officers arrived, they found people walking in lanes and blocking traffic. Officers basically made sure that no one got hurt as the march progressed. The protestors then transitioned to the north bound Hollywood (101) Freeway with officers right behind them. They were eventually able to get the protestors to exit the freeway at Glendale Boulevard, where they continued their march on surface streets. Authorities say that no arrests have been made.

(taken in its entirety from cbs2.com)

These kids should have been cited and processed by the justice system. Everyone who walked onto the 110 Freeway needs to be held accountable. This isn't just some little protest, this is seriously endangering the safety of other folks. Protest all you want, shutdown downtown surface streets during a weekend when traffic is light anyway (but get the proper permits first, the first amendment condones mass gatherings, but not unlawful assembly), but walking onto a moving freeway is utterly and dangerously stupid and shouldn't be condoned, encouraged, or go on without consequence.

Every one of them should be wearing orange vests and picking up trash along the side of freeways across L.A. for at least the next 6 months.

Not taking action against these students sets a dangerous precedent, the next time some group decides to do something like this, people will get hurt.

Video of these idiots can be found here, can't direct link, but it's in the news video listed as 3/27 - Protesting Students Shut Down 101 FWY (MS IE6 only, those bastards!)

I smell the foul hand of some MEChA folk behind these insane actions.

Things that make you, recall Arsenio Hall's Catch-Phrase (for those of you who forget, it's Thing that make you go, hmmmmmmmmmm)

This post at Tammybruce.com regarding some folks who think boycotting MI:3 would be a good response to Tom Cruise's alleged involvement in the pulling from repeats the 'Trapped in a Closet' South Park episode that savages R. Kelly, Tom Cruise and especially Scientology.

In the comments there's this bit

Count me in! I'll be boycotting "Mi3" in favor of the highly anticipated "Snakes on a Plane."

Could someone please! tell me-- who is the 13 year old running Hollywood? I've got some great movie ideas I'd like to pitch to him.

"Squirrels in a Volvo"
"Monkeys on a Train"

Don't any of you go stealing my ideas! :o)

Posted by: Tink [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 24, 2006 09:14 PM

It got me to consider the possibility that Parker and Stone might produce a parody version of Snakes on a Plane before the movie itself actually comes out. Fake trailers are proliferating like wildfire, and they are clued in enough to realize that most of their audience would get the references to the film, even though the film hasn't been released yet.

Also, if they got hold of the script and made their parody follow the general outlines of the plot, would that please or piss off the audience?

And one other thing, if they did this, they'd have to get Samuel L. Jackson to voice the South Park version of himself (and to be even more ironic, they could take his voice, and pitch it up so that he sounds like someone else).

But the idea of parodying a film before or simultaneously with its release is one that I had before. When Alien: Resurrection was about to be released and people still held out hope that it might actually be worth watching, I suggested to some friends that someone should get a hold of the script, shoot a close parody of the film substituting the Aliens franchise for another known franchise, and do it dirty and quick so that the release would be at the same time as the Alien film.

I still think Porky's: Resurrection would have been a great film, and been a moneymaker.

A Picture is Worth. . . .

. . ."appropriating" and then linking properly to the original site posting the above photo.

(or a thousand words, I'll leave the decision up to each individual reader)

(and the title of the jpg I 'borrowed' is "joking" so possibly some photoshoppery was applied to the above)

(it's a bit early for New Year's Day, I'm old school, I think the year should still begin in Spring and not Dead of Winter)



What more do you need to know?

42, is the answer, and the question isn't, "What's 6 times 7?" or "What was James Worthy's number while playing for the Lakers (had to have been odd to be one of the 50 all time best players in the NBA, and only 3rd best player on your own team)?"

Rather it's all about the collision of pure math and physics.

(article found via /., a typically slashdotty discussion ensues, first comment from Anonymous Coward, " I just hope I lose my virginity by the time I'm 42

And just in case anyone doesn't know the significance of 42, Wiki is a good source for enlightenment.

26 March 2006

You Ain't Wrong (Week Ending 26 March 2006)

This is a placeholder post (that will soon disappear down the memory hole), I'll complete this and give you the week that was in aintwrongness by late afternoon tomorrow

UPDATE: Ok, this isnt' really an update, this is the original post as intended, but I decided to keep up the placeholder announcement, cause I really hate it when the big boys play games with their articles and make significant changes without notice, or referrals back to the original.

So here we are on what I'm pretending to be as Sunday March 26th and here goes your weekly dose of aintwrongness

Pooh, You Ain't Wrong, for having been born on this date, some 29 years ago. Enjoy your last year without a '3' in front of it.

Kevin Drum, You Ain't Wrong, for suggesting that some rule changes are in order to improve the pacing of the end of games in big time college basketball (and speaking of Pooh, he points to this article, too (and references me, so how can I not link as well?). Although, I may have to give you a wrong within an aintwrong for your use of the phrase 'immodest proposal', that's my gimmick! (although you wouldn't know it if you google the phrase 'immodest proposal', to get hits for me specifically you need to google 'immodest proposal xwl' then all but one non-spam site hit is for this blog or references to this blog on other blogs, but really, I kind of like the one non-me hit it's for Xena: Warrior Lesbian (and with that I can't argue, she's got that frisbee thing to damage with me, so I know better than to argue with her), self-googling can be a serious ego-check)

Ruth Anne Adams, You Ain't Wrong, for having so blessedly (I originally wrote damnably, but that doesn't seem right) cute and happy children. (and I continue to refrain from making any connections between carrots and your children)

Sec. of State Condi Rice, You Ain't Wrong (I'm linking the video stream, so you can see for yourself, for those who prefer just the words, transcript here, and the Redstate.com take on the 'meeting' here, along with the rest of Mark Kilmer's rundown of the Sunday shows), for showing up on Meet the Press this week and dropping big large doses of truth on Tim Russerts somewhat oversized noggin. It also would be extremely aintwrong of you if you would somehow be persuaded to change your mind about not seeking the nomination of the Republican Party for the 2008 Presidential Election (or, at least, accepting a VP nod).

The good folks at Gawker, Y'all Ain't Wrong, for your continuing and amazing weekly feature, Blue States Lose (with a slight case of wrongness for skipping a week, holiday, schmoliday). This week's was another classic collection of so much concentrated wrongness, and commenting upon that wrongness with such venomous bile (yet still funny) that I'll just give my readers a taste of #3 from this week and assume that after reading this excerpt that they'll be compelled to read the rest (sort of like how crack or meth dealers will give a new client a freebie to get them hooked) (and as you'll note below, they aren't afraid to mix in profanity, and from time to time the shots they link to are NSFW, but it's well worth reading, and as far as profanity goes, I'm reluctant to use it myself here, but I won't shy away from links or quotes that have profanity in them)
3) One October Night. SXSW III photo #143: It’s time for the return of everybody’s favorite game: “Hipster or Homeless?”! Now, with this one, the matching camo jacket and hat scream “alcoholic Vietnam vet,” and the scraggly beard would seem to push that hypothesis further. But we all know those shell-shocked weirdos only drink Budweiser or Steel Reserve, and the sartorial layering is too complex for someone who shouldn’t have any teeth. Come to think of it, that jacket is probably BAPE and cost $375. Fuck, this one was way too easy.

Good stuff that, and just today (and by today I actually mean yesterday, since I'm pretending that today is yesterday) I passed a (probably) homeless guy working the camo ensemble while I was walking the big black dog up Wilshire Boulevard (and by up I mean both up in terms of elevation and up as in away from the ocean which usually stands in for 'up' around here, up can mean either North or East depending on the reference points and who's giving the directions)

(that last digression is really going to challenge Bill's (of So Quoted fame) premature assertion that this particular edition of Aintwrongness meets a high standard even before reading it)
Maia, You Ain't Wrong, for getting accepted by UCSD (and your mother was right, prostitutes get along fine in their profession without going to any sort of college). Your mother wrote (very humorously) about the process for the LATimes, and many folks have chimed in on her site as well as yours with advice, I'll add my voice to the chorus, my advice with regards to attending UCSD, resist the siren call of Tijuana weekends, many of the students you meet will ruin their college careers by indulging in the temptation of cheap, legal at 18 alchohol. You've demonstrated a level headedness and seriousness (at least from what I've read by you, and about you by others) that suggests that won't be a problem for you, but you never know, many level headed folks have been known to have a crazed weekend or two during their college careers (even me, made a pitcher of too strong martinis for a party that my roommate threw (and this is when I was a over 30 returning student, not some young dumb kid, mind you), and decided, waste not, want not, finished it myself, and now the smell of gin is enough to make me queasy).

Doc Searls, You Ain't Wrong, in pointing to the comments by Chris Messina referencing your own work, and then expanding upon his expansion of your thoughts. This whole Army of Davids things is an interesting phenomenon, given that for some folks engaged in writing, in just about any form now, feedback is possible, dialogue and not just monologue is the norm, and real improvements are being made to the quality of not just products, but the very marketplace of ideas (in other words, I won't hate on you for using the phrase 'An immodest proposal' for your piece).

The Producers of Snakes on a Plane, You Ain't Wrong, for reshooting some scenes in that glorious summer action picture soon to sweep the planet, when the people demanded (through blogger buzz and chat rooms) that Samuel L. Jackson at some point say a certain phrase (and just so people don't think I'm some bandwagon jumping upon Johnny Come Lately, here's what I said about Snakes on a Plane back on January 15 (in a post mostly critical of this year's slate of Hollywood films), "One action picture rises above them all! Circle your calendar, August 18th comes!")

OK, that's enough on the aintwrong front, as far as those challenging for this week's title of 'the antonym for aintwrongness' I have two candidates.

First up Mr. Ben Domenech, you screwed up, then you tried to justify that screw up, then you sort of owned up to the screw up but really didn't sound nearly as contrite as you should have given the offense you were accused of when you did apologize. So for this past week wrongness=domenechness (and you don't really need links do you? the links are scattered across the internets like so many dragon's teeth)

Second up, Mr. Morgan Spurlock, again, the original action was wrongheaded enough, but you compounded this by offering a poor excuse for an excuse when you tried to offer an 'explanation' (notably he chose not to use the word 'apology') for his behavior when speaking to a group of high school students. So if domenechness doesn't roll of your tongue easily, you can substitute with wrongness=spurlockness.

That's that for this week, I'm sure you've had enough by now, I knowI have (I need to start compiling the links as I go, rather than tracking them down later in the week, might make this fun again rather than something that resembles a chore)

Random Blogger Blogginess

As I peruse my sitemeter referrals I'm occaisonally fascinated by the obviously random links that reach my blog.

First I got a referral from blacknipples.blogspot.com (and unfortunately, it's completely safe for work) and if that wasn't good enough I happen upon Roy from Norway at his Hakuna Matata Blogg with the photo below accompanying this post (in Norwegian, I have no idea what he's writing about, but does it matter?)

(When I was his age, I'd have probably had a big goofy grin on my face holding a chainsaw, too)

Suggestions for the new Red America Blogger at WaPo

So the folks at Fishbowl DC are looking for suggestions as to who might replace the recently resigned Ben Domenech.

I throw my hat in the ring. As I say in a post below, I think I'd kick-ass in that role.

Here's the body of the post I've emailed to Fishbowl DC

As far as who Jim Brady should contemplate replacing Ben Domenench with, I self-servingly nominate myself.

Dozens of readers a day can't be wrong.

I'd bring my 'modest proposal' gimmick to the big time (it's not plagiarism if you are 'borrowing' from an author who has been dead for hundreds of years, then it's a tribute)

As examples of the kind of mix of conservative/libertarian writing (with aspirations to some wit occaisonally) I offer the following four recent posts.

Let's Try and Get One Thing Clear
A Modest Proposal on the Requirement of an Additional Accessory for Users of Bluetooth Headsets
The ONE Unforgiveable Sin
Dr. Scalia's Prescription for Tension Headaches

Plus I'd suggest that they assign a topic to both the Red America and Blue America (and I agree, they need both) bloggers at least twice a week so they could have pieces that run side by side. Also, I believe that there are issues that transcend the left/right divide that myself and whomever the Blue America blogger was, could co-write a weekly 'Purple America' piece.

As far as possible Blue America columnist I'd suggest Kevin Drum, Matt Yglesias and Kieran Healy

And as far as other Red America columnist (should I fail to make the grade) I'd suggest James Lileks (especially in Screedblog mode), LaShawn Barber, and Tammy Bruce.

I don't expect you to take this seriously, or even respond, plus even if you did take me seriously, or did respond, you wouldn't have any influence at the Washington Post, so this is a foolish thing to even bother to compose and send, but self-indulgent solipsism, thy name is BLOGGER, and I am a blogger.

Mostly Sincerely,

XWL (Real Name Withheld, I always include my real name in correspondences, but so far not on this blog itself)
Immodest Proposals

25 March 2006

If I Ever Become Famous

I'll make sure to consult these girls on fashion before going out in public, every single day, every single time, I'm not going to risk having them turn their attention on me.

Lest they write something like this, cause I was just thinking the other day of wearing something really similar (or not).

Make Love, Not 'Fruit Bombs'

But then why is practically every winemaker in the known world trying to max out their Parker scores by making fruit bombs?

You know you want to click on the link and find out what that's all about.

Go ahead, you know you want to.

(In some ways the topic there resonates with Vanden Heuvel's not so appropriately titled 'modest proposal' but in this case the offensive analogy isn't to Stalin or Hitler, but to Pres. George Bush)

Let's Try and Get One Thing Clear

There's one thing that I would like to get clear with everyone regardless of ideology, when you use the phrase 'modest proposal' try and do so in the spirit of Jonathan Swift or use another phrase.

The offending author this week is editor and publisher of the Nation, Katrina Vanden Heuvel (and whenever I see her on TV, I always think, 'damn she's full of it', and then I think, 'she's still pretty damn hot', and then I think, 'good think she can't here what I think, since she'd probably take my admiration of her beauty as some sort of anti-feminist 'keeping her in her place' ploy by me for focusing on her obvious good looks', when in reality, she's just really hot in an upper-crusty, most likely into really kinky sex sort of way).

The point of her article (as I comprehend it, maybe there's a layer of sarcasm or wit that I missed, but I doubt it) is that Totalitarian comparisons about leaders or viewpoints or policies should be off limit to folks of any and all political stripes (she pulls examples from Sen. Dick Durbin, Radio Talk Show embarrasment Michael Savage, Sec. of Defense Rumsfeld just to name a few). Yet in the short section that she writes leading up to the many quotes she uses she has this to say
The purpose of public speech is not just to restate anger but to clarify the principles and evidence that fuel it -- in ways that invite discussion, not inhibit it. The demons are already among us -- so let's muster up some new analogies and declare a ceasefire on such demonizing rhetoric as this

So, analogies to totalitarian leaders from history, bad. Suggesting that the other side are the walking embodiment of hellish forces unleashed on this land by the dark lord himself, "the demons are already among us" that's perfectly reasonable.

Well maybe her suggestion is more along Swiftian lines than I give her credit for. But I've seen her speak plenty, and read some of what she's written, and I don't think she's ever demonstrated the smallest iota of having even the whiff of a sense of humor, so when she uses the phrase "demons are already among us" she means by demons whatever the secular humanist equivalent of honest to satan demons are. (and of course anyone paying attention could discern her to mean by the word 'demon' Karl Rove and his evil Minions).

So I guess the real point of her article is save the Hitler comparisons comrades (or maybe she'd be more cosmopolitan and use the Russian word Tovarich), cause the evil emanating from 1600 Pennsylvania is FAR WORSE than anything any past totalitarian dictator ever unleashed.

Yep, sounds just about right.

Anyway, back to my original point, please folks, use Modest Proposals wisely and carefully.

How To Make Funny, Funnier

The title, Your Vile Language Makes Me Want To Urinate, that Prof. Volokh applies to this post is funny (and the whole, incident is ridiculous enough without the title, but good job Prof.).

But to make it even funnier,

Say it out loud (or at least think it very loudly inside your head) in the voice used by John Cleese as one of the taunting frenchmen in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (and be sure to really, really, really extend the first syllable of 'urinate' and add an 'h' sound to the beginning of that

(are you now LOL, or ROFL, even?)

UPDATE: I should have read the comments to that post before making my own, Bruce on the third comment in that thread adds the dialogue that I'm hoping you'll remember (though he doesn't go so far as to suggest the vocalization, so rather than stealing his idea, I'll just say that great minds think alike, and I'll copy and paste that comment below, makes it easier to get the right voice anyway)

Arthur: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have a look?
Soldier: Of course not! You are English types.
Arthur: Well, what are you then?
Soldier: (Indignant) Ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous accent, you silly king?!
Galahad: What are you doing in *England*?
Soldier: Mind your own business!
Galahad: What a strange person.
Arthur: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
Soldier: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
Soldier: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
3.24.2006 5:06pm

2nd Update in very short succession:
OK now hopefully, I've covered myself for any future plagarism charges should I get a real job at a real journalistic institution in the future.

I hear WaPo has an opening for a conservative/libertarian blogger, I'm no wunderkind, but I'd still kick ass, CALL ME!

(Plus I have no real published record at all, I'm a clean slate, hard to beat that)

(Regardless of his politics one thing rings clear if you visit his website, Ben Domenech really loves Ben Domenech with an almost obscene passion, me I'm slightly more humble, and therefore less likely to be tripped up by a scandal stemming from hubris, and that photo, whooboy, in profile, with a serious look and in black and white, clearly he doesn't hang around with 'normal' folks too often cause they would have busted his balls big time over that)

Great Moments in Other Blogs' Comment Sections (an occaisonal series)

This exchange regarding a post Bill Quick made on his blog regarding the Ben Domenech/WaPo mess struck me as being rather funny


Since you have been suggested (by Glen Reynolds) as a replacement for Ben, should we consider you to have a confilict of interest on this topic?

should we consider you to have a confilict of interest on this topic?
Only if you're an idiot. I've already said it couldn't work.

Oh lighten up. I was just kidding. Sheesh! But, that's right, you keep telling me what an idiot I am, so it must be true.

Conflict of interest? Because Instapundit tossed up an idea? Glenn Reynolds might be thrilled to learn he cuts that much ice at WaPo.

Here's a stronger possibility: Bill is speaking from his perspective as an established professional writer.

I read the explanation too, and I don't really buy it either. Time will tell I suppose, but it's not looking good for him, nor, I suspect, should it.

Lasttango ... I'll say it again. It was a joke, said with a rather cyncial wink and based on Bill's own disclaimer that he would be the writer who pisses everyone off, hence the conflict of interest JOKE. I don't think I am the idiot here.

Oh lighten up. I was just kidding. Sheesh!
Why should I take it as a joke? Did you give any indication it was a joke?

You know, a lot of passive-aggressives on the web use this tactic all the time - spout some bit of snark, then when they get their nose smacked, whine, "But it was a joke, and you're meannn!"

If you're not looking for a fight, don't make noises like you are. As far as I could tell, your comment was intended to impugn my motives in saying that Ben's explanation didn't cut it with me.

If that wasn't what you intended to say, then you should probably spend some time learning how to write what you really mean, or, alternatively, brushing up on your humor techniques.

I hope Ben goes on to success in some other field, as he does come across as likeable, and smart, enough fellow, but I'm not satisfied with his explanation either (subject to reconsideration if more info in his favor eventually comes out).

Bill, I am a regular here and I constantly get reminded that I'm writing to thin-skinned children. Why would you automatically assume I was putting you down? How insecure and passive-aggressive is that? When I do abuse counseling, we tell women that the first time he hits you its his fault, the subsequent times are their's. That's what it feels like trying to correspond on this site. Whenever you get your shorts in a knot, you attack the writers and call them stupid, idiot, or put all kinds of ulterior motives on them. I am an intelligent and well-informed individual with more writing credits to my name than you claim to yours, so your insults don't fly here. What bugs you, I would surmise, is that you know that I have your number. And if you don't know it, you should.

Bill, I am a regular here and I constantly get reminded that I'm writing to thin-skinned children. Why would you automatically assume I was putting you down?
Well, lessee. First you impugn my motives for a post, and next you tell me I'm a thin-skinned child when I don't reply in a manner cuddly enough for you. I don't care if you've written 100 books, on the best day of your life you won't have my number.

What, exactly, do you think my number is? Are you giggling to yourself that you think you know how to make me angry? My, what a childish triumph for you.

When I do abuse counseling, we tell women that the first time he hits you its his fault, the subsequent times are their's. That's what it feels like trying to correspond on this site.
Oh, poor baby, are you feeling abused? Why do you keep coming here, then? And posting idiotic things? Why was it so necessary for you to post "...should we consider you to have a confilict of interest on this topic?" What did it contribute to the conversation? What did it add to the post? Here's what I think - people who come here and keep asking for trouble shouldn't be surprised when they get it.

>> Here's what I think - people who come here and keep asking for trouble shouldn't be surprised when they get it. <<

Well, I'm not one of those people. I have never ever come here asking for trouble. In two years, I've commented what maybe a 1/2 dozen times or so. Twice, I tried to get clarification from you on something you posted that was totally unclear, despite your inflated idea of your writing ability, and both of those times you refused to clarify and attacked me personally instead. When I called you on it one time, you got even more defensive. I'm a sixty year old grandmother and I've played those games with a host of teenagers, I expect more on a site such as this.

Your patronizing attitude with phrases like "poor baby" or "giggling to yourself" is low end tripe. I don't need to resort to adolescent games to get you angry. All one has to do is disagree with you.

I come here because I happen to think you are a good writer and most of the time I like the way your mind works. But, not all the time and especially not when you go off on one of your petty rants, then I'm just embarrassed for you.

Well, I'm not one of those people. I have never ever come here asking for trouble. In two years, I've commented what maybe a 1/2 dozen times or so.
Fifty three times. I know it would never cross your mind, but the software does keep track.
Twice, I tried to get clarification from you on something you posted that was totally unclear, despite your inflated idea of your writing ability...
I come here because I happen to think you are a good writer...
You'd be more believable if you could manage to keep from contradicting yourself in the same comment.
Your patronizing attitude with phrases like "poor baby" or "giggling to yourself" is low end tripe.
Written with malice aforethought, too.
I don't need to resort to adolescent games to get you angry. All one has to do is disagree with you.
And intimating, for no rational reason whatsoever that I have a conflict of interest in the post above is "disagreeing with me?"
But, not all the time and especially not when you go off on one of your petty rants, then I'm just embarrassed for you.
Golly, somehow I'lll survive your embarassment. I'm almost exactly your age, and I've known people like you all my life, the little snarkers, the needlers, the "oh, I didn't mean anything by it" shufflers and darters. I'm not impressed. This site is what it is, and I am what I am. If you don't like that, hit the bricks. Nobody is forcing you to stay here and be "abused" by me.

It's an interesting example of how easy this form of communication can get heated. I'm inclined to agree with Mr. Quick on this particular exchange, Sara knew exactly what she was doing from the start and tried to use the 'I keeeeeeeeeeed' dodge (Triumph is the only one who can get away with that) to have her cake and eat it, too.

Still I probably would have just assumed most people recognize when someone is being a jerk and leave it at that without dealing with the back and forth escalation, but to each their own.

The really funny part is that the politics of Sara's blog is similar to Mr. Quick's blog (though not the general level of writing, or popularity), so it's not a matter of the usual left/right conflict, instead it's a good old fashion (possibly gender based) personality conflict.

Racist! Santa Monica, Murder Capital USA

So one popular teenager being murdered in Santa Monica equals a trend. Or so would be the case if you believe this article in the LA Times.

This article is full of so much of the usual crap that it's hard to separate, but let me try.

The Santa Monica High School 10th-grader grew up in an apartment in that area, called the Pico neighborhood. It is a low-income pocket with the largest proportion of blacks and Latinos in the city of 84,000 that is nearly three-quarters white.

OK later in the article they help clarify what they mean by 'low-income'
The Pico neighborhood is a large rectangular area bounded approximately by Lincoln Boulevard, Pico Boulevard, Centinela Avenue and Colorado Avenue. According to a 2003 Rand Corp. study, the median household income for the city as a whole was $50,714 in 1999. In the Pico area, the median income was $39,821. By contrast, the median income in the tony neighborhood north of Montana Avenue is $118,553.

So an area where household income is still 80% of the median is now 'low-income'. OK, I guess,
but no thoughts as to why this persists. We have this thing called rent control in Santa Monica, it's been a disaster for landlords, and a burden on tennants, too. Part of the reason why median incomes are low is because of the artificially low prices set by the rent-control board here in Santa Monica. If property owners could get fair market value for their properties, you'd see the 'Pico Neighborhood' (which the article expands to include many parts of town that haven't been traditionally included in that designation) reap the benefits of the land values and overall desirability of living by the ocean in a low crime (if you don't believe me look at the official statistics, the last two pages of this PDF from the SMPD shows the crime statistics for 40 years) city outside the jurisdiction of the city of Los Angeles.

(of course if that happened lefties would be angry over the encroaching horror that is

Also, the worst public schools in
Santa Monica are better than all but the best public schools in LAUSD, and have been so for the past 50 years, so for these pockets of poverty to persist, two things are happening. One, some parents aren't availing themselves of the opportunities to get a solid education for their children in these 'low-income' areas, and two, as the children of these formerly 'low-income' parents get the educations available to them, they have sense enough not to move back into these 'low-income' areas and spread out to other parts of the country or Southern California (the housing stock in Santa Monica being too expensive for any beginning family to even think about entering, the very humble duplex my family owns is worth in excess of $750,000 if you believe Zillow, and that's in a neighborhood very near the 'low-income' Pico Neighborhood, plus most of the houses sold in the 'low-income' Pico Neighborhood have sold in excess of $500,000 recently)

This is one place where there are a myriad of opportunities for 'at-risk' youth to avoid engaging in 'at-risk' activities. There's absolutely no excuse for falling into that lifestyle regardless of your families income level or background.

Another thing about the article, let's see who they choose to go to for some juicy quotes about the prevalance of gang activity within
Santa Monica
"You have people drowning in poverty in an ocean of wealth," said Oscar de la Torre, a school board member and founder of the Pico Youth and Family Center, an organization for at-risk teens and young adults.

Let's take a look at what this place is about. Here's a blurb about the opening of the Pico Youth and
Family Center from Streetgangs.com's website
Although the center will provide a variety of technological tools for education, de la Torre states that "its not just about providing services but developing leadership." As a former counselor at Santa Monica High School, de la Torre pledges that counseling is among another of the important services that the PYFC will provide through a partnership with Saint Johns Child and Family Development Center. The main goal with counseling is to provide youth with effective communication tools, to manage anger and to develop more meaningful relationships among peers.

Sounds good, everyone can jump on board to that message, but on the same webpage they show some of the portraits of 'positive' influences for Blacks and Latinos

Sorry, but Cesar Chavez isn't a hero to everyone, and I still eat grapes. (somehow I don't think they'll ever put a picture up of this gentleman)

So for the black kids they get Malcolm X, again, I think there are many better choices that could be made, like say Thomas Sowell, but oh wait, Oscar De La Torre thinks he's an 'Uncle Tom'. (just in case you aren't sure it's the same Oscar De La Torre, Chico News & Review confirms this). Here's another young conservative's take on Oscar De La Torre from the standpoint of a recent former Samohi student (during De La Torre's tenure on the School Board). And lest you think that the opening of this center, attended by many local politicos was a reason to be optimistic here's the closer to the piece I linked
In addition to the financial support, de la Torre has received much moral support from the community and elected officials. On the opening day those that showed their support included Mike Feinstein the Mayor of Santa Monica, along with Dr. Piedad F. Robertson, the president of Santa Monica College, California State Senator Sheila Kuehl, three City Council members and a school board member. It was the most elected officials that de la Torre had ever seen in one place in Santa Monica in all his years there, but the unfortunate side was that other than STREETGANGS.com, there was no significant media presence to cover this event. Press releases were sent but it did not garner enough publicity to be covered as a relevant event in the community. De la Torre states that the absence of any media coverage "is a testament to the racism that still exists within the media."

What's my point in highlighting that bit, well it seems that there is no event, no cause, no time, and no point in Oscar De la Torre's sorrowful existence that isn't shaped, motivated or ruined by some perception of the horrors of institutional racism that have limited him to a life of multiple opportunities at public colleges, jobs at public schools, and high positions within 'racist' school boards. Must suck to be him.

What's this have to do with the LA Times piece? Everything and nothing.

The LA Times just figures it has an angle to explore the ever increasing 'disparities' between the haves and have nots, and what better venue for this than 'glitzy'
Santa Monica.

But all you need to know about the piece is that their first instinct was to go to a life-long aggrieved lefty agitator like Oscar De La Torre to get their pull quotes about the tough life on the streets that traps the poor youths in the Pico Neighborhood.

Reality isn't that simple. What happened to Eddie Lopez sucks. It sucks big time. But it would have sucked whether or not he was Black, Chicano, Mexican, Guatemalan, Chinese, or even White. The problem lies with the folks who think shooting someone is a solution to a 'beef' regardless of whether the target turned out to be who they meant to shoot.

No amount of community activism by lefties who insist on telling these kids that they are victims of some nefarious 'white' conspiracy to keep them down will change the culture that allows these situations to escalate to a point where gunplay seems reasonable and justified.

People like Oscar De La Torre, and slanted myopic articles by the LA Times that look to externalize the blame for what clearly and unequivocally is a problem internal to that community are a part of the problem, not the solution.

Don't make excuses for criminals, instead shun them, belittle them, and when they commit crimes incarcerate them for as long as possible.

That's how you'll improve neighborhoods like the Pico Neighborhood, not by telling these kids that the deck is stacked against them, when it's more likely they are choosing to not play with all the cards that are dealt to them in the first place.

(and the percentage of kids who slide into 'la vida loca' type crap is still very small, even in the worst neighborhoods, unfortunately the effect those thugs have can hold communities hostage)

Also I found this interesting and part of the close to but not quite plagarism watch here's this from the LATimes article
That isolation could explain in part why young people from the Pico neighborhood tend when riding their bikes not to venture north of Montana, where, they say, police ask not "How are you doing?" but "What are you doing?"

No quotes of a specific kid, just a generalized, everyone north of Wilshire is a racist! charge, and the racist! police force (headed by the Racist! Chief Butts (so what if he's black, he's obviously an Uncle Tom, if he's willing to be Chief of Police in a Racist! town like
Santa Monica)) do the bidding of all those racist! white folks who live in racist! comfort north of Wilshire.

And since when is it okay to put "quote" marks around "quotes" that aren't attributed to any "one" person?

Let me play this game. I had a conversation with a reporter and she explained that when she writes about the Bush Administration "I make up stuff all the time" and "I hate conservatives with a passion" and "Our religious nuts are worse than the Taliban", this is fun, I'll have to remember that this is perfectly valid procedure for a reporter at a major (yes, I know, that's becoming increasingly disputable) daily newspaper.

Now compare and contrast that to this blurb from this article I found while looking for other articles about the experience of youth in the Pico Neigborhood
On the rare occasions when 21-year-old Albert Ruiz rides his bike north of Montana Avenue, he knows to keep his eyes open. He knows that people are watching him, waiting for him to do something he shouldn’t.
It’s a feeling he gets whenever he ventures too far from his home in Santa Monica’s predominantly working class Pico neighborhood, a largely minority community whose residents over the years have come to feel more and more isolated within this affluent seaside town.

Parallel thoughts clearly, though not a clear act of plagarism, still it's part and parcel of the same knee jerk, rich white folk are racist! argument, when it could just be that anyone looking around at all the houses, and looking a bit nervous while doing so would attract attention.

Notice, no specific accusations of harrassment, no Patrol Officer badge numbers, cause what they describe never happened! I rode my bike from the 90404 area code into those 'tony' enclaves all the time (and I could just as easily appear Mexican/Chicano to someone as not, so if the local police had standing orders to harrass kids who were 'out of place' then I was just as likely a target as anyone), and the only thing that really kept me out of there was the punishing elevation changes that you have to deal with as you head north in Santa Monica (easy breezy when you're older and have a bike with more gears, but really tough when you're ten and stuck with one speed), not the police, or the prying eyes of racist! white folks peeking at me from behind their mansion's windows.

And I walk my big black dog (around 80 pounds, Rott/Pitt and Mystery Mix, Mutt) in those 'tony' neighborhoods sometimes and the people don't seem too concerned, but all those little white fou-fou dogs get pretty agitated, so the people racist!, not so much, but the dogs, they're a different story.

24 March 2006

Counting the Days

Are you beginning your countdown to August 18th yet?

I know I am, it's less than 5 months away now, a scant 21 weeks.

What's so significant about August 18th?

That's right, the greatest film ever to be made (now and forever bow before the enormity and greatness that is this film) will finally be released for viewing by the general public.

How can I know that it's the greatest film of all time?

Did I stutter?

It's called MuthaFu#@in' Snakes on a Plane!! and stars Samuel (BadASSSS Mutha Fu#@a) Leroy Jackson, of course it's going to be amazing.

I'm not the only one ready for this, Steve at this here blog seems pretty excited also (plus he links to actual information about the film, more than I'm willing to give you, OK, I'll give you something, this film already has a Wiki entry, how cool is that? also the official site linked above doesn't have much but did link to this site as its blog of the week, can you say viral marketing children? I thought you could).

Friday Funk Lyrics, 24 March 2006

Friday wouldn't be complete without the posting of lyrics from a funky, funky, funky song.

Since I'm a longtime Prince fan, I thought I'd point out the lyrics to the funkiest song from his most recent album 3121.

I bought the album on Tuesday, been listening to it, and really enjoy it (big surprise). No purple ticket though (a select few copies have a purple, Wonkaesque ticket that admit the lucky recipient to a 'private' concert at the mansion featured in the photos throughout the liner notes, also the same place that was the subject of court papers).

Something that surprised me about this album is Prince's reliance on a lot of 'dirty' sounds. Many of the synth sounds are heavy on decay and sound as if they were heavily altered, and distorted. It's surprisingly effective, and sounds oddly fresh. Clearly Prince has access to all the tools to have made this sound 'clean' but he chose to go with a lot of mildly distorted sounds. It gives the whole album an intentionally 'basement', DIY feel (until he starts wailing on his guitar in a way that few humans have ever been capable, but that's another digression, he doesn't get enough credit for being amongst the absolute best rock guitarist of all time, probably since he adds his rock guitar to soul music, it's incongrous to many people's ears and experiences).

There's a lot of funky songs on 3121, and blessedly, a lot of Maceo (and yes, Maceo, he can still BLOW his horn, just like James used to say) too.

As far as funkiest song on the album, I'm going with the closing track Get On the Boat.

The bass line is absolutely incredible (and it's Joshua Dunham on bass, instead of Prince, if he releases a solo album, I'll be first in line to buy it). Maceo (you don't really need me to tell you his last name do you?) gets some room for a solo, and to top it all of you get Sheila E. (watch out, loud drumming loads automatically at link) adding a latin flavor to the percussion. How could all that not add up to FUNKY? I'll tell you, it's impossible, for all that to not be funky, and fantastic.

And Tamar (who provides backing vocals on this track, too) is probably his most promising ingenue, protege, female doppleganger to date (she has her solo album due on May 2nd)

If you haven't already noticed, great funk doesn't require great lyrical content, but really I post these lyrics to point you to the music, not to suggest that there's great poetry in the words (though there have been exceptions).

Without further ado, here's the lyrics (with Princean spelling pulled directly from the liner notes)

Get on the boat
Get on the boat, people

Get on the boat now
We got room 4 a hundred more

Look outside Ur window

Tell me now what U c

Coming up the mountain 4 a new philosophy
Every single color

Every race and every creed

Lookin' 4 the truth U'all that's gonna set somebody free

Get on the boat

Get on the boat, people

Get on the boat now

We got room 4 a hundred more

All across the nation

People doing what they can
2 avoid the tribulation
That will b great throughout the land

Everything in darkness must come out in2 the light

When we love each other
That's the only way
that's gonna b right

Get on the boat

Get on the boat, people

Get on the boat now

We got room 4 a hundred more

We were meant 2 live 2gether underneath the sun

(eye symbol)
can't think of nothing better
Don't U wanna come?
Get on the boat

Nevermind what time it is

The party's just begun

No te alejes de esto

No te alejes de este momento de inspiracion
U can let Ur hair down

Let the music move Ur feet

Panamama bring the drama (my note - how can you not love that line)

Dancin' 2 the beat

What's the harm in listening 2 the hopeful words we say

If it moves Ur (heart symbol)
U know U better get in without delay

Get on the boat

Get on the boat, people
Get on the boat now

We got room 4 a hundred more

Produced, Arranged, Composed and Written by Prince
(c) 2006 NPG Records