Because Somehow Where You Shop and Eat Matter . . .

So, Joe Biden probably lied, or misremembered a few details about places he frequents in Wilmington.

In preparation for my 2016 run, I guess I should start cataloging the places I patronize.

Last 3 'restaurants' I ate at:

NY Pizza & Pasta (mostly excellent pizza (sometimes undercooked), I believe Israeli owned, cause Israelis know pizza)

Ramen-ya (tasty ramen, but noticed after we finished eating that their health board rating has dropped to a "C", so may wait till they get back to an "A" before going back)

McDonalds (I haven't eaten a McDonalds burger in ages, so rather than my usual fast food fix of Jack n the Box, thought I'd give McDonalds a go and order something. Big mistake, was pretty nasty, the fries weren't terrible, though)

The last three shops I patronized (all on the same day):

Costco That's right, big box shopping rules. The membership pays for itself pretty quickly.

Target Practically WalMart, but not quite.

Home Depot I love me some wood (and tools).

Hopefully, the information above will help you in deciding whether or not to vote for me in the 2016 GOP primaries and caucuses.

A Preview of Future Campaign Slogans . . .

I guess it's never too early to plan ahead. And I need my "Change You Can Believe In" type slogan, but I don't believe in change for the sake of change, I don't really believe that the federal government should do much of anything other than protect our borders, secure our trade agreements, get out of the way of the people so that they may prosper, and maintain a military sufficient to defend our homeland, protect our interests in narrowly defined ways, and scare the bejesus out of any country that might get any ideas about being more than just a neighborhood bully.

That narrows my choices of potential slogans, a bit (the whole belief in limited government thing constrains me). Reagan found a good work around with both his campaigns. When confronting the damage loosed by Carter, he posed a simple question in '80, "Are You Better Off Now Than You Were Four Years Ago?", and after leading us away from that disaster, he simply stated in '84, "It's Morning in America, Again".


Well, I think nowadays the press would have a field day with the 'better off' slogan, so that's out. The 'morning' slogan only works for a run at a 2nd term. All's not lost though, I think I've come up with something that could work as an expression of my policy goals that would fit neatly on a bumpersticker. Here it goes . . .

I'll Do My Best to Do Nothing,

And Sometimes Even Less Than That!

(is the exclamation point too much? I kind of like it, but I'm not wedded to it, and I'm counting on people having pretty long bumpers, obviously)

(and if any president, me or anybody else, in the future could somehow manage to do less than nothing, that'd be really something, wouldn't it?)

IMPEACH ME!!!

Eric at Classical Values has a post about some people already putting out IMPEACH OBAMA bumperstickers.

Well, it's good to get an early start, and since I will be President starting in 2017, I figure I might as well be the one to start an IMPEACH ME!!! movement.

Moments after the swearing in ceremony, I promise to illegally dismantle the IRS, a half dozen cabinet departments, and the CIA (and I'll use the military to get it done, if I have to, nothing says it's time to quit your cozy government job like well placed C-4).

Given those sort of actions require congressional approval, that would be an impeachable offense.

Of course, given that those actions would probably be highly popular with the voting public, let's just see if they go ahead and convict me.

So I'm hoping to get impeached by mid-February 2017, it's the least I can do, and I wouldn't be doing the job I'd been elected to, if I didn't.

Tracking My Music Collection . . .

Because every post at someone else's blog is an excuse to make the comment section all about me, I whipped up a list of the albums on my Zune in Google Docs to share with the world what music I carry around with me.

This move was inspired by this Althouse post where she discusses the recent non-revelatory revelations regarding what plays on the "oPod" of The Obama (pictured above, allegedly, captured by The Mark Pike)

Seems like politicians are expected to make some sort of statement as to their musical tastes, so rather than hiding behind some carefully crafted and focus-group tested handpicked precis of my music collection, I'm laying it all out there for the world to see in all its horror and glory (in preparation for 2016, of course). Unfortunately, haven't found a tool that allows direct exporting of the list from the Zune software, or WMP, so I had to enter each the old fashioned way, which sucks, sucks hard (but was good typing practice, I suppose)

And is it really a good idea to put an "o" in front of stuff to indicate it being of The Obama. Anyone who has seen one of the great comic films of the last quarter century wouldn't help but wonder, 'Which songs on The Obama's oPod leads to The Obama wearing his O-Face?'

More Campaign/Administration/Post-Administration Promises . . .

So the whole Scott McClellan thing is all over the place, and your first thought probably was, 'How would XWL handle a disloyal little jerk, like that?' (what, that wasn't your first thought?)

First off, I don't hate him, he's just making a buck, the market for an anti-Bush book is far bigger than a pro-Bush book, so he is just doing his duty as a good capitalist and giving the buying public what they want.

Second, since I'll be hiring David Chappelle as my first Press Secretary, I expect he'll be too busy getting stoned all the time (or finding himself, whatever his excuse is for not doing stuff) to bother coming out with a tell-all book after he resigns his position. My second Press Secretary (I figure I'll only get about 3 years out of Chapelle, so I'll have to hire a new one just as the 2020 election campaign begins to heat up) will be Samuel L. Jackson. That should get the press off my back. He'll be too busy making seven pictures a year to bother writing a tell-all, so I should be covered for his 18 months in the job (I'll just want him around till the 2nd inaugural). My final Press Secretary will be Kat Dennings, I'll encourage her to adopt her 'blogging' persona, and be as cryptic, tangential, and uninformative as possible. The press will be so disoriented by this point, that they won't notice as I've managed to dismantle half of the federal government in my 6 years in office (and it will only be six years, I'm quitting shortly after the 2022 mid-term elections and turning things over to my VP, Bobby Jindal).

So, I think with that plan, I'll be inoculated against a tell-all book of the kind McClellan has unleashed, plus, I plan on writing my own tell-all book ripping myself sometime around 2023, and I'll make a point of highlighting any differences between myself and Vice President Jindal regarding any of the unpopular (but necessary) decisions I made during my time as President. If I beat all the disgruntled employees to the punch, the market for their petty little memoirs will shrink to nothing. Shortly after the 2024 election, I'll release another book, an auto-hagiography, detailing the brilliance behind my time in office, and after a distance of a few years, people will better be able to appreciate how I shook up the office, made it less 'imperial', secured our prosperity through a belief in markets, and drove the final nail in the coffin of big government socialism in the United States.

I guess I better get busy raising money, already, can't cash in on having been President unless first you attain the office.

Outlining Future Campaign Speeches (2016 Is Just Around the Corner)

So, I've already thrown my hat in the ring for 2016 (so I was a little off on that 'President Giuliani' thing), somebody has to oppose Chelsea's run at the White House, might as well be me.

Watching Sen. Obama has taught me a few things about making speeches. First, don't mix up a holiday meant to honor those that have served and died with a holiday meant to honor those that have served in our military. Seems simple enough, probably best just to not make a policy heavy speech on Memorial Day.

Second, when trying to burnish my own patriotic bona fides, probably shouldn't make up tales about the military service of my grandfathers. Don't need to make up stories, anyway. Their stories are interesting enough. My mother's father (if I were an identity politics addicted DEM, I guess I'd call him my 'white' grandfather) served in Europe, and basically did the same job he had before he was drafted. He was a letter carrier back in Buffalo, and after the liberation of Paris, he sorted and delivered mail to the big wigs, including Gen. Eisenhower. My father's father (again, if I was a DEM, I'd probably mention he was my 'black' grandfather) already was a policeman here in Santa Monica (mostly did just traffic cop duties before the war), and was sent to the Pacific. Black troops weren't frontline troops, for the most part, which is one reason why Spike Lee's complaints about Flags of Our Fathers was kind of silly. But, my grandfather was at Iwo Jima, to clean up, identify the dead, bury the bodies, and type the notification letters. An unimaginably crappy duty, but according to my father, my grandfather preferred that to the frontline. Better to deal with the dead, then risk being one of them. One reason why I'll never question Truman's decision to drop the A-Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japan was prepared to fight a war of attrition to the last man, woman, and child,

I have received these stories second hand, so there might be gaps, exaggerations, or factual inaccuracies, and just as Obama recounting how his "Uncle" liberated Auschwitz can't possibly be true, it is certainly possible that his Grand-uncle did help liberate concentration camp, just not one in Poland.

So here's my campaign promise to you. I will only run on things that I have or haven't done, my grandfathers aren't running for President, I am. I will be running to be President for all Americans, not just bi-racial Americans like me and Sen. Obama (also I doubt I'll get 90% of the black vote the way Obama does, so I'll have to work on getting those gun-clinging, religious nuts that have been shunning The Obama). I'll be running as a Washington outsider, utterly and totally untainted by so much as a single moment in elected office at any level. I'll accept campaign donations from anybody and everyone, if folks are foolish enough to think they can buy me off, then I'll be smart enough to cash their checks. Finally, I love the United States, and I'd love it even more if the Federal government governed a lot less, and I'd be the man to bring the rest of the Federal government to their collective (and collectivist) knees.

I Will Beat Her Like a Tin Drum in 2016

I've already announced (more than a year ago) my candidacy for 2016. After 8 years of Pres. John McCain (a year ago, I was certain that it would be after a eight years of Pres. Giuliani, oh well), the country will be ready for somebody younger, more libertarian, and willing to solve the tough problems of the day with 'outside of the box' thinking.

Well, if this Times of London article is to believed, I may get the pleasure of beating Chelsea Clinton in that general election (she'll be 36 in 2016, and eligible to run, I'll be a more palatable 47 on election day 2016).

There's no way in a million years this article would have run in any paper here in the United States. Chelsea's nice and all, but there's not a snowballs chance in hell that she'll be running for President anytime soon.

The Bush clan has quite a few more possibilities out there, George Prescott Bush chief amongst them (a third generation of George Bushes as president?), don't be surprised to see him running for a seat in the House of Representatives in 2010, and maybe even the Senate in 2012 if Hutchinson doesn't seek another term. After that, who knows?

Hillary's run is where the Clinton's "dynasty" ends, though, she doesn't have another run in her, and I don't think folks who work for a hedge fund are high on the list of serious presidential candidate material. A lot could change by 2016, or 2020, but I don't think that much will change, and I don't get a sense that Chelsea has any real ambition for politics, she's just being supportive of her mother.

But, I'd be happy to beat both a Bush in the primaries, and a Clinton in the general election to claw my way to the Oval Office. I'll make sure this country gets what's coming to it (and that's either a threat, or a promise).

I Lack the Required Audacity and Presumptuousness (and Funding)

Unfortunately, though this is the first Presidential election cycle for which I'm constitutionally eligible, I have to regretfully announce that I won't be seeking the nomination of either major party, of any of the minor parties, or making up a party of my own.

But, don't despair, 2012 isn't that far away (though I doubt I'll be ready for that, either).

OK, here's my semi-official, mostly immodest announcement.

I will seek the Republican nomination for the 2016 run at President.

After 8 glorious, prosperous and victorious years under President Giuliani, the nation will be ready for my brand of leadership (conservatives won't be completely happy with his 3 appointments to the Supreme Court, but you can't win them all, right?)

If you wish to send some seed money my way, just make the checks out to CASH.