27 May 2008

Outlining Future Campaign Speeches (2016 Is Just Around the Corner)

So, I've already thrown my hat in the ring for 2016 (so I was a little off on that 'President Giuliani' thing), somebody has to oppose Chelsea's run at the White House, might as well be me.

Watching Sen. Obama has taught me a few things about making speeches. First, don't mix up a holiday meant to honor those that have served and died with a holiday meant to honor those that have served in our military. Seems simple enough, probably best just to not make a policy heavy speech on Memorial Day.

Second, when trying to burnish my own patriotic bona fides, probably shouldn't make up tales about the military service of my grandfathers. Don't need to make up stories, anyway. Their stories are interesting enough. My mother's father (if I were an identity politics addicted DEM, I guess I'd call him my 'white' grandfather) served in Europe, and basically did the same job he had before he was drafted. He was a letter carrier back in Buffalo, and after the liberation of Paris, he sorted and delivered mail to the big wigs, including Gen. Eisenhower. My father's father (again, if I was a DEM, I'd probably mention he was my 'black' grandfather) already was a policeman here in Santa Monica (mostly did just traffic cop duties before the war), and was sent to the Pacific. Black troops weren't frontline troops, for the most part, which is one reason why Spike Lee's complaints about Flags of Our Fathers was kind of silly. But, my grandfather was at Iwo Jima, to clean up, identify the dead, bury the bodies, and type the notification letters. An unimaginably crappy duty, but according to my father, my grandfather preferred that to the frontline. Better to deal with the dead, then risk being one of them. One reason why I'll never question Truman's decision to drop the A-Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japan was prepared to fight a war of attrition to the last man, woman, and child,

I have received these stories second hand, so there might be gaps, exaggerations, or factual inaccuracies, and just as Obama recounting how his "Uncle" liberated Auschwitz can't possibly be true, it is certainly possible that his Grand-uncle did help liberate concentration camp, just not one in Poland.

So here's my campaign promise to you. I will only run on things that I have or haven't done, my grandfathers aren't running for President, I am. I will be running to be President for all Americans, not just bi-racial Americans like me and Sen. Obama (also I doubt I'll get 90% of the black vote the way Obama does, so I'll have to work on getting those gun-clinging, religious nuts that have been shunning The Obama). I'll be running as a Washington outsider, utterly and totally untainted by so much as a single moment in elected office at any level. I'll accept campaign donations from anybody and everyone, if folks are foolish enough to think they can buy me off, then I'll be smart enough to cash their checks. Finally, I love the United States, and I'd love it even more if the Federal government governed a lot less, and I'd be the man to bring the rest of the Federal government to their collective (and collectivist) knees.


Trooper York said...

I used to play fistball with Spike Lee in PS 29's schoolyard when we were kids and he was dick then and he is dick now. He's just a famous dick.

Most of the time he was running away from people who wanted to kick the crap out of him. Thats true enough.

bill said...

Sounds like a politician I could get behind so you're probably doomed.

Trooper York said...

Dude wheres the post on the Celtics vs Pistons tonight? It's going to be the key game of the series.