LOL Obama, Daily 08 February 2010

(haven't found a remix of Obama's car moment, yet)

Let's Talk About My Volunteer Work . . .

Just like Mr. Johnson, I too am an unpaid (and unbeknownst to Sen. Obama), volunteer consultant on presumptive presidential candidate Barack Obama's search for a Vice President.

I'm not part of the 'vetting' process, I'm more of an ideas man, big picture sort of dude. Cause one thing that the Obama campaign needs more of is vaguely stated, poorly reasoned, oddly conceived 'big picture' pronouncements.

Here are my five (+ one who should be on the list, but unfortunately is a bit too young) choices for Candidate Obama's running mate.



I've already made the case before, but come on, the Obama-Oprah ticket is a natural, right? Before you dismiss it out of hand, need to look into the possibility that by being on the ticket, The Oprah could give UNLIMITED contributions to the campaign (I assume the rule for VP candidate is the same as P candidate, I don't know for sure, though). An extra 300-400 million of spending loot could come in handy for a national campaign that's been burning through their massive cash reserves (they're not wasteful, they're merely trying to stimulate the economy since the GOP won't do it).



Clearly, The Obama is going to have the hardest time convincing the 'blue collar comedy' crowd that he'll be a President that serves all the people (and not just some of the people). Picking Larry The Cable Guy would be a brilliant bit of rebranding that would help The Obama sweep The South. I'd call this ticket "The Messiah Guy and The Cable Guy" (or "The Barry and Larry Show"). Should shore up appeal with those bitter bible and gun clinging types.



The master of selling hope, hype, a lifestyle, and things packaged in pretty boxes meet Steve Jobs (ha-ha, see how I did the reversal thing there). iMac, meet iMessiah. iMight choke on all the smugness on the stage and at the convention when this announcement gets made, but this choice would make sense on many levels. One, same as the Oprah effect, Mr. Jobs could spare a couple hundred million dollars. Two, rather than running away from marketing speak, the selling of style over substance, and worrying about appealing only to a narrow audience, embrace it. Evangelical zeal is never a bad thing in presidential politics. Also, The Obama needs to start wearing some nice white mock-turtlenecks to contrast with Jobs signature black mock-turtlenecks.



OK, so they both have some 'church' problems in convincing many voters that they're viable leaders of the Executive branch. But, all they have to do is speak sincerely, maybe jump on a couch or two (on the Oprah show, naturally), and flash their winning smiles at the American public, and all will be forgotten. Obama-Cruise works on many levels, The Obama needs to embrace the cult of celebrity, it's his surest path to the office he seeks. He can't run on policy, cause his stated positions and voting record are anathema to voters in a majority of states (and more importantly in states that make up a majority in the Electoral College), so if he can't run as the liberal that he is, he might as well just run as a celebrity. The Cruise brand is somewhat tarnished at the moment, but he's still popular enough to help, and the alternative stars old enough to run with him are either too foreign (sorry Salma Hayek, but please, campaign vigorously for Obama, and in tight outfits), too young (sorry Will Smith, sure technically you're old enough, but given The Obama's relative youth, putting a 39 year old on the ticket probably would hurt), or too lefty (sorry Sean Penn, maybe your good friends Ahmadinejad or Chavez will invite you into their governments in some sort of decision-making position).



OK, I know this might seem like an odd choice. I mean, Larry David isn't exactly the most likeable fella. But, your politics mesh, he'd be a lightning rod for controversy and would make a gaffe a night on the campaign trail. That could come in handy since you can't necessarily rely on the media continuing to ignore your tendency to have some really awkward moments when not speaking off of a teleprompter. Let David be the focus, eventually folks will just be all, 'Oh, that's just Larry being Larry', plus since he's Jewish, you'll squelch all those 'not a friend to Israel' insinuations that swirl around your campaign. Added bonus, another opportunity for those "Barry and Larry" bumperstickers.



Ahhhh, Sen. Obama's bestest email-buddy. She's too young, but if it were possible, this would make a great ticket. (OK, not really, but yeah, an excuse to post a picture of her).

That Paragraph is Looking Less Far-Fetched Compared to When I Wrote It in July . . .

Here's an AP Video (with annoying ad before video starts) report of the O&O show. From this immodest blog many months ago, a throwaway paragraph in a post about something else...

When Oprah is President Obama's Vice President (you know the O&O ticket makes sense, don't you?), I'll bet she does things that would make even Cheney blush. I also bet there won't be a single lawsuit brought against her by some petty bureaucrat fearful of her secretive ways.

Did I know back then that Oprah would publicly campaign with Obama back then?

She had mentioned she backed Obama back in May, but that's very different from actually stumping with him.

Would she give up her day job to run for VP?

And those folks who set up the Oprah/Obama08 site on cafepress must be doing great lately.

All this talk about whether or not The Oprah can help Sen. Obama in the Democratic primaries is just talk. Of course support coming from Her Most High and Holy Oprahness counts for alot amongst a lot of voters (especially in the Dem primaries).

Is this just a sister trying to help a brother out? Or is there a quid pro quo thing going on (as in VP Winfrey)?

Although if somehow a Obama/Winfrey ticket were to actually win, I'd be worried about some crazed Oprah fan getting too impatient with regards to a hoped for Winfrey presidency. I'd watch my back if I were Pres. Obama.

(and when you see "Pres. Obama" in type or hear it in your mind, it seems such an unlikely last name for an American president, same with Dukakis, he was defeated by his name alone (and his old school left liberal policies which were way out of step with the majority of American voters))

The Five Men (or Women) You'd Gay Marry

What follows is mostly an unserious post regarding a serious topic.

Now that it looks like the New Jersey Supreme Court has forced the New Jersey Legislature to clarify its stance regarding gay marriage or its equivalent, I think the real question everyone should be asking themselves, "Who Would I Gay Marry?"

My fantasy five guys I would gay marry (but in a non-sexual, just cause they seem like great people to hang around with, sort of way) are as follows

Ricky Gervais: Dude is brilliant, bloody brilliant. Also, seems like a regular bloke, so would be someone you could hang out at the pub with and play snooker or darts with while downing a few pints. Plus, if you are going to gay marry, might as well both benefit from each others citizenship's, so a solidly. And speaking of Ricky Gervais, if I were to tell you that the 2nd season of Extras was the most brilliant thing you will ever likely see on television, just assume that I saw them all while in England, and not through bittorrent, either that or my future self came back and told my current self how hilarious each episode of season two was after watching them on their HBO run. Great, great stuff, just a few of the highlights, a very randy Daniel Radcliffe, a wickedly entertaining David Bowie, a still impressive Dame Diana Riggs, an impeccably performed appearance by Sir Ian McKellan and the true highlight, the performance of Ricky's writing partner Stephen Merchant as the agent. Him and Ricky play off each other like some great comedy duo of the past. It's funny beyond all imagining, better than the first season, far better than either season of the Office, and better than just about any other comedy you have ever seen. But again, this is all hypothetical, as this hasn't actually shown in the United States yet, so I haven't actually seen any of the episodes.

Charles Barkley: Who doesn't want to hang out with Sir Charles as much as humanly possible? Dude is funny, smart, honest, and seems like he honestly enjoys the life he's been given while appreciating how lucky he's been. Plus, I'd help him in his gubernatorial campaign in Alabama, while also convincing him to return back to the Republican party.

Beat Takeshi: Takeshi is an amazing filmmaker, a great comedian, and seemingly an all around cool guy. One attempt to describe his impact in Japan that I remember was that his career was as if you combined the careers of Johnny Carson as a chat show host, Jim Carrey at his prime as a comedian and Clint Eastwood as a director all into one person. He's been in some truly amazing and surreal films, and his films Sonatine and Hana-Bi are a couple of the best films of the 90s. Being around someone who is capable of so many different things at the same time would bound to be fascinating.

Christopher Hitchens: The world's greatest drinking buddy. Sure he's a socialist, but he's still a very smart person with an amazing breadth and depth of knowledge and an unmatched ability to communicate what he knows. Sure he can be nasty, but that would just make being around him on a constant basis a challenge and a pleasure. Besides being able to destroy foes with his wit, he seems like he'd be willing to ball up his fists and pound a few heads when push comes to shove as well. An important quality to have if you are going to do some serious drinking in publick houses with someone.

Oprah Winfrey: Wait? Wouldn't that be a Straight Marriage and not a Gay Marriage? Well, with Oprah, I'd much rather be her Gayle than her Steadman. So if I were to marry Oprah, I'd want it to be a Gay Marriage. I'd be the bestest gal pal she ever had (move over Ms. King). Gender is just a social construct anyway, at least that's what all my Gender Studies Profs insisted over and over again, so given the supposed fluidity of gender, I'd be Oprah's gal pal, unusually burdened with a penis instead of a vagina. She seems open minded enough not to judge me for my unusual problem. Also, if I were to Gay Marry Oprah, I'd insist that if she truly, truly, truly loved me, she'd refuse to have her team of lawyers draw up a pre-nup for me to sign, instead she'd know that our love for each other besides being purely platonic, would also be based on the mutual trust and admiration that could only be tainted by legal documents (beyond a marriage certificate, that is).

So have you contemplated your list of five Gay Marriages, yet? Hop to it, if you haven't, and post your list on the internets for everyone to see. Better than listening to all the political ads and political posts flying through the airwaves and cluttering the internet.



As far as marriage in general, there was a time that the state did have a vested interest in promoting marriage, but that time has passed, to avoid this battle, government entities at every level should end the practice of sanctioning any kind of marriage. If parties want to draw up a contract with each other, than sign a contract, but the marriage contract as it stands now is too nebulous, too unspecific, and too easily entered or broken to be as meaningful as it should be.

Marriage as a state sponsored endeavor is irrevocably broken, in my opinion, and an archaism that should be replaced by more specific, more direct, and better understood agreements that are less easily abused by crafty legal minds.