Admit It, You've Never Heard of Any of These People, Either...

Poetry by living poets is not my thing. So, I've never heard of any of these folks (even the dude with the Nobel), but I recognize crap when I hear it and Ruth Padel is dropping a steaming heap when she feigned innocence (the Telegraph's take on the same story from two weeks ago) as to her role in undermining Walcott's appointment as Professor of Poetry at Oxford that she herself now holds after the conflagration she reignited razed Derek Walcott's opportunity.

Not that I condone Walcott's behavior, instructors should never prey on students they directly supervise. Not all students are wide eyed and in their late teens, early twenties. Especially at the graduate level you have plenty of grown-assed adults capable of taking care of themselves, but there's still a huge imbalance in power when an instructor has a go at one of their own students.

There's usually a campus full of attractive prospects not under a particular instructors direct influence. Is it so hard to keep the swapping of fluids (or entreaties to swap fluids) limited to students with whom you have no direct input on their successful completion of their degree?

Not that I didn't have a few Professors I would have enjoyed a tumble or two with back when I was an older university undergrad, in some cases older than my instructors. But if I had been propositioned by an instructor in my department, in a manner that suggested that refusal would have been bad for my academic career, then that would have been seventeen kinds of wrong. I think the culture on campuses is different now, and the age of the Don Juan Dons and Predatory Professors has mostly passed.

Spam, or Shocking Revelation Regarding the Origin of Swine to Human Transmission of H1N1? YOU MAKE THE CALL!!!

Elizabeth Smith kindly emailed me this subject line (slightly edited for language):

Babe gets wild f***ing in supermarket

We really haven't heard much from Babe the Pig since his glory days headlining two well received motion pictures over a decade ago, but like many stars who still have fame, but no longer are getting steady work, he may be acting out and indulging in all sorts of bad behavior.

I'm going out on a limb and suggest that inter-species sexual activity in a public commercial space counts as bad behavior, I hope you don't regard me as being too moralistic or judgemental for drawing that conclusion.

Also, which supermarket section for such engagements would be more shocking?

A) Produce
B) Meat
C) Feminine Hygiene
D) Bakery
E) Other

Please explain your answer in the comments.

" Barry Komisaruk, a neuroscientist at Rutgers University, has subjects bring themselves to orgasm while lying with their heads in an MRI scanner"

First of all, I'm impressed, I'm not sure that I could easily 'bring myself to orgasm while lying with my head in an MRI scanner', and secondly, is this really research, or is Mr. Komisaruk just satisfying his own unusual fetish?

That's just one part of a massive article from The Times of London regarding female sexuality. It seems it's more complicated than most would like.

Also, perhaps for the first time in research history, violating the Althouse rule for research studies, women are described in negative terms when compared to men:

Meana spoke broadly and not only about her dyspareunic patients when she said: “Female desire is not governed by the relational factors that we like to think rule women’s sexuality as opposed to men’s.’’ She finished a small qualitative study in the past year consisting of long interviews with 20 women in marriages that were sexually troubled. Although bad relationships often kill desire, she argued, good ones don’t guarantee it. The generally accepted therapeutic notion that for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, said Meana, often misguided. “Really, women’s desire is not relational, it’s narcissistic,’’ she said. It is dominated by the yearning to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. Still on the subject of narcissism, she talked about research indicating that in comparison with men, women’s erotic fantasies centre less on giving pleasure and more on getting it. “When it comes to desire,” she added, “women may be far less relational than men.”

Quick, somebody needs to spin that kind of narcissism as being healthier and more validating than the male habit of fantasizing more about 'giving' rather than 'getting' pleasure.

Another section of the article that's bound to spark conversation and controversy is this bit:

After Meana’s mention of women’s wish to be pinned against a wall, we discussed rape fantasies. According to an analysis of relevant studies published last year in The Journal of Sex Research — an analysis that defines rape as involving “the use of physical force, threat of force, or incapacitation through, for example, sleep or intoxication, to coerce a woman into sexual activity against her will” — between a third and over a half of women have entertained these fantasies, often during intercourse, with at least 1 in 10 women fantasising about sexual assault at least once per month in a pleasurable way.

The appeal is, above all, paradoxical, said Meana: rape means having no control, while fantasy is a domain manipulated by the self. She stressed the vast difference between the pleasures of the imagined and the terrors of the real. “I hate the term ‘rape fantasies’,” she said. “They’re really fantasies of submission.” She spoke about the thrill of being wanted so much that the aggressor is willing to overpower, to take. “But ‘aggression’, ‘dominance’ — I have to find better words. ‘Submission’ isn’t even a good word — it doesn’t reflect the woman’s imagining of an ultimately willing surrender.”

Chivers, too, has struggled over language about this topic. As soon as I asked her about rape fantasies, she took my pen and wrote “semantics” in the margin of my notes. “The word rape comes with gargantuan amounts of baggage,” she said. “I walk a fine line, politically and personally, talking frankly about this subject. I would never, never want to deliver the message to anyone that they have the right to take away a woman’s autonomy over her body. I hammer home with my students, ‘Arousal is not consent’. It’s the wish to be beyond will, beyond thought,” said Chivers about such fantasies. “To be all in the mid-brain.”

There's no safe way for me to address this subject, other than possibly to say that this is both kinda messed up, but also makes some sense from an evolutionary psychology standpoint (and to reiterate what Chivers says, there is no justification for sex without consent, even if some women respond physically in that situation).

(also, who am I kidding, I could bring myself to an orgasm with my head in an MRI Chamber, so long as one of my hands was free . . .)

The Appropriate Reaction?!?

Picture stolen from I Can Haz Cheezburger, truly this cat is worth LOL-ing at.

And what the hell is J.K. Rowling doing saying this, anyway? What other expanded back stories will we get?

My guesses:

• Mrs. Weasley was a popular stripper (stage name, Cherry Bush) before she married (and the ravages of childbirth changed her body).
• Harry did indeed use his invisibilty cloak to check out the female students in the showers and locker rooms, just like any other red blooded (hetero) male his age would.
• Hagrid was featured in a series of "Bear" videos (non-sex, just him posing . . ., naked . . ., with real bears)
• Hermione had "an experience" with the hot French chick during the Wizard competitions in Goblet of Fire, but didn't get past "second base".

Any others I'm missing?

An Excuse for a Movie List (F.C.I.L.F.) . . .

. . . MSN has a particularly dumb list of film folks and what wanting them says about you. For those that prefer men, this list, for those that prefer women, this list. Actually, I think a man on man list would be different than the men women want list, same as the woman on woman list would be very different from the women men want list.

Both lists suck, but they make a good jumping off point for my own list.

Given my biases, and orientation, I'll come up with my own top sixteen women in film, or F. C. I. L. F. (I'm assuming the "ILF" part is a pretty well known acronym by now, the F. C. stands for film characters), and then possibly have a relationship with or vice versa, with some the order is one, others it's the other. The list isn't really in order, just 16 women in film I could think of at the moment (on a different day, it might have been 16 other women in 16 different films). Besides, when most men fantasize about women on screen, I don't think the fantasies are generally as 'relationship' oriented as the MSN article would suggest.

1. Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson in Double Indemnity
The silly MSN list had no femme fatales. What kind of list of film ILFs doesn't include femme fatales? This is the best of the lot. Stanwyck may not be the sexiest woman in the world, or have the best body, but she exudes a combination of ferocity, intelligence, anger and even a touch of vulnerability that's hard to match. It'd be a sick, twisted relationship, that ends up in tears or blood (or tears and blood), but who wants to live forever? (besides we are talking fantasy, and not real life, real life stay far away from these types, but as a film fantasy, why the hell not?)

2. Nobuko Miyamoto as Ryoko Itakura, Tax Inspector in A Taxing Woman
Who knew tax collectors could be sexy? This movie rocks. Miyamoto is fantastic in this film, and sexy, and desirable. It's a brilliant film, fun characters, interesting plot, and breezily directed. What makes Miyamoto stand out is her steadfastness, intelligence and dedication. Those are all sexy characteristics in my book.

3. Shirley MacLaine as Bessie Sparrowbrush in Artists and Models
Shirley was incredibly sexy in a pixie-ish sort of way back in the day. Short red hair, pale skin, and dancer's legs is an intoxicating combination. Plus, any woman attracted to Jerry Lewis in full fool-mode is alright in my book.

4. Catherine Deneuve as Miriam Blaylock in The Hunger
So she's a vampire, nobody's perfect. She's a seriously hot vampire, plus she's got that old world charm going for her, and she's the epitome of sleek sexiness in this film. The film reads more like one long perfume commercial than a movie, but at least there's hot lesbian sex in it.

5. Salma Hayek as Rose in Timecode
Salma has to be on this list. Nothing to do with any of the roles she plays, just the fact of her Hayekness. When looking over her body of work, it mostly stinks. This is actually one of her better performances though. An interesting expermiment as a film, but not a good film overall. Saw it with the director in the theatre mixing the soundtrack live (4 separate images play as continuous takes, by choosing which audio to play, the director was foregrounding or backgrounding each subplot however he chose).

6. Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi
This one is obvious. Blame my age. Blame the metal bikini. Blame the hotness of potential Jedi powers. I could take out Han Solo no problem, he's a bit of a jerk, anyway, she could do better.

7. Myrna Loy as Nora Charles in The Thin Man
Just about the sexiest female character ever captured on screen. Intelligent, funny, attractive, and willing to drink six or seven martinis with you. What else could you want from a wife?

8. Paula Patton as Angel in Idlewild
Singers are usually sexy (in film), Angel in Idlewild is no exception. Not a particularly deeply written character, but Patton brings vivaciousness to a somewhat vacuous role that you wouldn't expect. She was also excellent in Deja Vu in another role that didn't demand much from her. It's hard being an insanely hot actress of color in Hollywood. Expect a career of damsel in distress, or trophy objects, that's all they'll feel comfortable casting her in. She brings a dignity and charm to those roles though, keep an eye on her.

9. Maggie Cheung as Maggie Cheung in Irma Vep
Maggie Cheung playing herself in a French film about a production gone awry. She's sleek and elegant in this film, basically the fantasy version of her you imagine her to be. Can't beat that. A worthwhile film to see, even if a bit arty for art's sake.

10. Shari Eubank as SuperAngel/SuperVixen in SuperVixens
Imagine a Chuck Jones cartoon, with real life people, most of those people being improbably large breasted women, then you have a small inkling of what this film is like. SuperAngel/SuperVixen is a dual role played by the improbably large (but all natural) breasted Shari Eubank. Angel is incredibly bad, Vixen is incredibly sweet, both are incredibly hot. Don't think of it as an exploitation film, think of it as a sophisticated filmed dissertation on the dichotomous nature of how men relate to women and the artificially forced polar mode of either whoredom or madonnadom faced by women. Or just dig on the amazing cinematography, outrageously over-the-top violence, and absurdly ribald scenarios.

11. Barbara Stanwyck as Jean Harrington in The Lady Eve
Barbara Stanwyck, an actress so nice she makes this list twice. Maybe it's the Edith Head costumes in both pictures. Maybe it's Stanwyck's ability to convey so many emotions so easily. Maybe I'm just weird. Jean Harrington, the con-artist, playing the Lady, falling for, then getting revenge upon, the falling again for Henry Fonda's egghead character is an irresistible character. Sexy on many levels.

12. Joan Whaley and Bridget Fonda as Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies in Scandal
OK, I'm cheating a bit. Can't pick between the two in this picture, they're both really sexy and interesting each in their own way. So I'll choose both in a typically boorish male fantasy sort of way. Exotic dancers and threesomes, what could go wrong?

13. Carmen Maura as Pepa in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
There've been sexier women in Almodovar pictures, but none more attractive than Pepa in this film. Maura brings a vulnerability, strength and smarts to this role that's hard to beat. She's someone you could imagine being around, always giving you something different, moment by moment. Depth is sexy.

14. Grace Jones as May Day in A View to a Kill
Crappy Bond film, crappy bond villainess role, yet Grace Jones makes it work anyway. She's sexy in a frightening sort of way. Strictly one night stand, a bit of athletic and insane fun, material. Still the best of the sexy Bond villainess roles, in my opinion, even if it was in the worst of the Bond films.

15. Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in Aliens
A protective mother who knows her way around large firearms. Now that's sexy. 'Nuff said.

16. Judy Davis as George Sands in Impromptu
There's something really sexy about Judy Davis. She always looks on the verge of something (usually a nervous breakdown, or consumption, or both), never sure what. Many of the characters she plays are shrill, and high strung, but they are shrill and high strung in a fascinating way. Her George Sands is a great character, one you'd want to know, one you'd want to be with. Great film, even for a chick flick (take that Ms. Steinem).

Less Snacks, More Lipstick

(via Drudge)

Lesbians are twice as likely to be overweight than their straight counterparts, according to a study mentioned in this article.

From the article

“Our findings indicate that lesbian sexual identity is linked to a greater prevalence of overweight and obesity,” the authors wrote in the study, released this week.

They reviewed smaller studies that have suggested a higher prevalence of obesity among lesbians and the possible reasons why.

“The results of these studies indicate that lesbian women have a better body image than do heterosexual women,” they wrote.

Good body image=poor health?

So lesbians should treat each other more like many straight men treat women?

And is there a selection bias going on amongst the small percentage of women who may have been ambivalent sexually and choose the orientation that is favorable to their body type?

Would a comparable study find that gay men are generally less obese than straight men?

Certainly that's the popular myth, so the flip side would be that straight women should treat their men more like gay men treat their men if they want to encourage healthy lifestyles for their mates.

What this study boils down to is that men are pigs, but their piggishness and focusing on physical beauty is actually beneficial to their partners, while women with their willingness to overlook physical flaws are more likely to fail to strongly discourage health problems in their mates.

So the real question is, why do many women insist on trying to outlive their mates?

Improving Idol Voting

Idol voting most likely doesn't need improving, but some folks seem to think so.

A simple reform would be to have each contestant have two numbers flashed beneath their name each week.

One number, would be for folks voting FOR the contestant.
A second number, would be for folks voting AGAINST the contestant.

The positive votes would count +2, the negatives would count -1.

A person like Sanjaya, who polarizes fans, would have a higher bar set for continuing on the show, while a contestant who is solid and broadly popular would enjoy more relative success compared to a marginal singer/performer with a small but rabid fan base.

Seems like the eventual winner in a system like this would also be more likely to build a lasting career.

There are plenty of polarizing figures in pop music, though, so even if Sanjaya were to win it all, they could probably build product around him, at least for a little while.

The "vote for the worst" crowd have pulled a bit of a fast one this year. Vocally wise, Sanjaya mostly sucks, but as a performer he has charisma and strong appeal to a key demographic that cares about this kind of crap. The Stern-ites can claim they've influenced the weekly outcomes all they want, but most likely, it's the little girls obsessing about how much they love a sexually ambiguous kid who are pushing his votes.

The history of Idol shows that having a penis that young women feel has a credible possibility of being used is dangerous. Of the guys who've made it far on the show, only Bo Bice could be said to have been broadly sexually enticing/threatening.

First season, Justin gets farthest, and though attractive, his attraction is a very unthreatening kind of attractiveness. Second season was Ruben v Clay, and even though Ruben was a big huge black man, he was an asexual teddy bear, and Clay, well yeah. Season Three no guys made it too far. Season Four, was the exception that proves the rule. Bo Bice not only had a penis, but he seemed certain to be willing to use it. He seemed to be the first male performer to succeed in Idol appealing to sexually mature women more so than appealing to pre-teens. In the run-up to his showdown with Carrie, it was pretty clear that it was the moms pushing the vote on Bo. Last season, Taylor has about all the sexuality of Elmo (the tickle-me variety), his success is utterly inexplicable from a sex appeal standpoint.

This season, Blake has to be one of the favorites, he stradles the line between penis-ful and penis-less appeal. Sanjaya on the other hand is utterly and totally penis-less, and that's why he makes the young girls cry. Phil and Chris aren't sticking around much longer, so no use talking about them.

If Sanjaya somehow wins it all, there will be many folks who'll go crazy, but should that happen, it will be because he has a strong appeal to a rabid fanbase and he'll just be another in a long line of sexually ambiguous/unthreatening male performers who preteen girls find appealing (until they grow up and realize that guys with penises are preferable).

If It Weren't For Alcohol, The Species Would Be Doomed!!!

Seriously, I mean it.