An Excuse for a Movie List (F.C.I.L.F.) . . .

. . . MSN has a particularly dumb list of film folks and what wanting them says about you. For those that prefer men, this list, for those that prefer women, this list. Actually, I think a man on man list would be different than the men women want list, same as the woman on woman list would be very different from the women men want list.

Both lists suck, but they make a good jumping off point for my own list.

Given my biases, and orientation, I'll come up with my own top sixteen women in film, or F. C. I. L. F. (I'm assuming the "ILF" part is a pretty well known acronym by now, the F. C. stands for film characters), and then possibly have a relationship with or vice versa, with some the order is one, others it's the other. The list isn't really in order, just 16 women in film I could think of at the moment (on a different day, it might have been 16 other women in 16 different films). Besides, when most men fantasize about women on screen, I don't think the fantasies are generally as 'relationship' oriented as the MSN article would suggest.

1. Barbara Stanwyck as Phyllis Dietrichson in Double Indemnity
The silly MSN list had no femme fatales. What kind of list of film ILFs doesn't include femme fatales? This is the best of the lot. Stanwyck may not be the sexiest woman in the world, or have the best body, but she exudes a combination of ferocity, intelligence, anger and even a touch of vulnerability that's hard to match. It'd be a sick, twisted relationship, that ends up in tears or blood (or tears and blood), but who wants to live forever? (besides we are talking fantasy, and not real life, real life stay far away from these types, but as a film fantasy, why the hell not?)

2. Nobuko Miyamoto as Ryoko Itakura, Tax Inspector in A Taxing Woman
Who knew tax collectors could be sexy? This movie rocks. Miyamoto is fantastic in this film, and sexy, and desirable. It's a brilliant film, fun characters, interesting plot, and breezily directed. What makes Miyamoto stand out is her steadfastness, intelligence and dedication. Those are all sexy characteristics in my book.

3. Shirley MacLaine as Bessie Sparrowbrush in Artists and Models
Shirley was incredibly sexy in a pixie-ish sort of way back in the day. Short red hair, pale skin, and dancer's legs is an intoxicating combination. Plus, any woman attracted to Jerry Lewis in full fool-mode is alright in my book.

4. Catherine Deneuve as Miriam Blaylock in The Hunger
So she's a vampire, nobody's perfect. She's a seriously hot vampire, plus she's got that old world charm going for her, and she's the epitome of sleek sexiness in this film. The film reads more like one long perfume commercial than a movie, but at least there's hot lesbian sex in it.

5. Salma Hayek as Rose in Timecode
Salma has to be on this list. Nothing to do with any of the roles she plays, just the fact of her Hayekness. When looking over her body of work, it mostly stinks. This is actually one of her better performances though. An interesting expermiment as a film, but not a good film overall. Saw it with the director in the theatre mixing the soundtrack live (4 separate images play as continuous takes, by choosing which audio to play, the director was foregrounding or backgrounding each subplot however he chose).

6. Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi
This one is obvious. Blame my age. Blame the metal bikini. Blame the hotness of potential Jedi powers. I could take out Han Solo no problem, he's a bit of a jerk, anyway, she could do better.

7. Myrna Loy as Nora Charles in The Thin Man
Just about the sexiest female character ever captured on screen. Intelligent, funny, attractive, and willing to drink six or seven martinis with you. What else could you want from a wife?

8. Paula Patton as Angel in Idlewild
Singers are usually sexy (in film), Angel in Idlewild is no exception. Not a particularly deeply written character, but Patton brings vivaciousness to a somewhat vacuous role that you wouldn't expect. She was also excellent in Deja Vu in another role that didn't demand much from her. It's hard being an insanely hot actress of color in Hollywood. Expect a career of damsel in distress, or trophy objects, that's all they'll feel comfortable casting her in. She brings a dignity and charm to those roles though, keep an eye on her.

9. Maggie Cheung as Maggie Cheung in Irma Vep
Maggie Cheung playing herself in a French film about a production gone awry. She's sleek and elegant in this film, basically the fantasy version of her you imagine her to be. Can't beat that. A worthwhile film to see, even if a bit arty for art's sake.

10. Shari Eubank as SuperAngel/SuperVixen in SuperVixens
Imagine a Chuck Jones cartoon, with real life people, most of those people being improbably large breasted women, then you have a small inkling of what this film is like. SuperAngel/SuperVixen is a dual role played by the improbably large (but all natural) breasted Shari Eubank. Angel is incredibly bad, Vixen is incredibly sweet, both are incredibly hot. Don't think of it as an exploitation film, think of it as a sophisticated filmed dissertation on the dichotomous nature of how men relate to women and the artificially forced polar mode of either whoredom or madonnadom faced by women. Or just dig on the amazing cinematography, outrageously over-the-top violence, and absurdly ribald scenarios.

11. Barbara Stanwyck as Jean Harrington in The Lady Eve
Barbara Stanwyck, an actress so nice she makes this list twice. Maybe it's the Edith Head costumes in both pictures. Maybe it's Stanwyck's ability to convey so many emotions so easily. Maybe I'm just weird. Jean Harrington, the con-artist, playing the Lady, falling for, then getting revenge upon, the falling again for Henry Fonda's egghead character is an irresistible character. Sexy on many levels.

12. Joan Whaley and Bridget Fonda as Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies in Scandal
OK, I'm cheating a bit. Can't pick between the two in this picture, they're both really sexy and interesting each in their own way. So I'll choose both in a typically boorish male fantasy sort of way. Exotic dancers and threesomes, what could go wrong?

13. Carmen Maura as Pepa in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
There've been sexier women in Almodovar pictures, but none more attractive than Pepa in this film. Maura brings a vulnerability, strength and smarts to this role that's hard to beat. She's someone you could imagine being around, always giving you something different, moment by moment. Depth is sexy.

14. Grace Jones as May Day in A View to a Kill
Crappy Bond film, crappy bond villainess role, yet Grace Jones makes it work anyway. She's sexy in a frightening sort of way. Strictly one night stand, a bit of athletic and insane fun, material. Still the best of the sexy Bond villainess roles, in my opinion, even if it was in the worst of the Bond films.

15. Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in Aliens
A protective mother who knows her way around large firearms. Now that's sexy. 'Nuff said.

16. Judy Davis as George Sands in Impromptu
There's something really sexy about Judy Davis. She always looks on the verge of something (usually a nervous breakdown, or consumption, or both), never sure what. Many of the characters she plays are shrill, and high strung, but they are shrill and high strung in a fascinating way. Her George Sands is a great character, one you'd want to know, one you'd want to be with. Great film, even for a chick flick (take that Ms. Steinem).