"SO THE PANDA IN THE MINISKIRT TOLD YOU TO GO ON BUT CAN THEY SING?"

The girls over at Go Fug Yourself point to two indescribably fantastic interviews with Bai Ling.

Highlights from this SF Chronicle interview:

Q: Tell me about your book, "Nipples."

A: (Giggling) It's a point of view of how I see the world. Like, I'm wearing purple and pink, you're wearing blue; maybe I'm wearing red, you're wearing yellow. Our eyes are limited. There are a lot of beautiful, magical things in the universe we don't see, but I see. Sometimes on my balcony I sit for the whole afternoon, watching the sun cast through the trees. Sometimes I see a butterfly there, a chair, a boat. But those are a high form of spirit giving art. They are there for its own existence. But only you have the sensitive heart and soul to recognize and enjoy that moment, but 10 minutes past when the sun moves a little bit, they're gone. The book is about my perspective - very erotic, very intimate. I share a lot of relationships that I had with different gentlemen - very intimate, very advanced, very crazy and very bold in a modern way. I wrote it in 40 days without even thinking; the book is there and I'm just here to reveal it.

If that wasn't enough, this Movieline interview is even more full of Bai Ling-ness:

Actually that reminds me of something we haven’t talked about. What was the name of that singing show on VH1?
But Can They Sing?

That’s the one.
The show is not about singing. No matter how good a singer you are on that show, it doesn’t make a difference. They’ll change the tone to make you a bad singer. If you’re a bad singer, it’s more interesting. I learned that later. I treated it so seriously. They kept wanting to bring me back because I was so ridiculous, I wasn’t going to do it. But my little spirit, she said…

What do you call your spirit?
Eight Little Spirits in Miniskirts.

You have eight separate spirits. And they’re all in miniskirts?
Yes! They’re sitting on your hair, on your shoulder, on your nails. I’m like their peacemaker, because they don’t like each other. I have a panda, a chicken, a dolphin … I have a monkey … All in miniskirts.

So the panda in the miniskirt told you to go on But Can They Sing?
They go crazy. They make me lose control. They try to catch Bai Ling. I wasn’t really aware they were going to be judging me on that show. I wasn’t conscious of it. I has just come from the Playboy shoot, and was feeling very comfortable with my body.

When I watched it later with my friend, I found it hilarious. But when I was there, I was in a different space. They gave me a song that was too high, and I tried to quit. They were making fun of me. So I threatened to quit. Finally, they gave me a song that fit me — Blondie’s “Call Me” — and when I got on stage, they played it three keys higher and it was like, [squealing] “CALL MEEE!”

Somehow I missed that show, but here's a clip of Bai Ling 'touching herself' . . .

The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants (But This Is Still Three Hundred and Sixty Seven Kinds of Wrong)

Billy Corgan dating Tila Tequila!!?!?!!??!!!???!?!????!!!!!??????

Women Whose Blogs at Which I Should Comment More Vigorously (and Flirtatiously) . . .

. . . so, over the weekend, Prof. Althouse made it official and revealed some details about her recent betrothment to a fine gentleman (by the handle of Meade) she met in part because he was an avid commenter on her blog.

So, as a single man, maybe I should explore this avenue of bliss more heartily, if it worked once, why shouldn't it work again?

I know inconstancy is a big turn off for women, so if I wanted this to be effective, I should probably limit this list to one name, but in fairness to all the wonderful and attractive women who blog, I'm not capable as of yet to limit my affections (a touch of reciprocity would go a long way into focusing my attentions, and intentions).

So here's a list in no particular order, with reasons for, and against, of bloggers whom I might pitch woo.

Moxie
Conservative, check, gorgeous, check, creative, check, smart, check, drives a Porsche, big fat check, lots of positives going for her, she could post a bit more often, but I'm sure she's doing other things, so it's understandable. Now some reasons why I might hesitate, blonde, sorry, I just don't find blondes aesthetically pleasing for the most part, it's a peculiarity of mine, for the right woman I could look past it, and celibacy, now that isn't necessarily a drawback, it would mean that any relationship would move forward strictly based on intellect and emotions with the physical stuff limited until we are both ready for a serious commitment, I'd like to say that's a positive, but the horndog in me used to relationships proceeding physically fairly quickly would probably get frustrated.

Tammy Bruce
Conservative, check, gorgeous, check, creative, check, smart, check, loves animals, big fat check, lots of positives going for her, and really just one minor negative. OK, so that one negative is more a problem regarding me, being non-distaffed and all, and unfortunately that's not something one can overlook easily. I guess it's true, all the good ones are taken, or gay.

Felicia Day
Gorgeous, check, creative, check, smart, check, loves D&D, big fat check (I've never played myself, but I'd be willing with the right group of geeks), lots of positives going for her, and really just one big negative, that she's probably a big fat liberal. Having dated people in or interested in 'the business' in the past, I'm not sure it's something I want to repeat. It's tough on people's psyche and all the crap they deal with tends to come home with them, I would imagine it would be even harder on a woman just shy of 30 who enjoys a strange mix of big success in one market segment and near anonymity with the mainstream. I'd be shocked if she's not ever so slightly neurotic, but I'd probably enjoy being a stabilizing rock with which she could anchor herself to the real world (and those pics with her and firearms, as Conan would say, rowwwwwwrrrrrrrrrr!!!)

Kat Dennings
Gorgeous, check, creative, check, smart, check, endearingly quirky, big fat check, lots of positives going for her, and one huge almost deal breaking negative, she's way too damn young for me to even consider thinking about in a romantic manner. Normally, I'd consider any woman under the age of 25 a big huge fat no-no, but there's just something so interesting about her that I'd be willing to risk corrupting her and negatively influencing her development as a person (most of these flings between guys pushing, or past 40 and girls barely past 21 do harm to both parties). It's those damn YouTube videos she used to make, she comes across as so charming that I'm willing to throw my scruples out the window. (I have to admit it, it's also her big huge . . . ., eyes that stir my passions)

Heather of Go Fug Yourself
Gorgeous, unknown, creative, check, smart, check, endearingly snarky and completely obsessed with pop culture, big fat check, lots of positives going for her, as to the negative, she may not actually look like Joan Collins circa 1982. Seems like being around her might bring my inner Blackwell to the fore, which probably wouldn't be that sexy and could be really confusing sexually for both of us. Can a straight man snark on fashion and be sexually enticing simultaneously? It would be an interesting experiment. I think Heather's writing style is slightly better than Jessica's, but if it turned out that I was more compatible with Jessica rather than Heather, I'd have to attempt the very tricky blogging version of the infamous "Roommate Switch". Better men than I have lost limbs trying that maneuver.


Better start working on those commenting/flirting skills, before others beat me to the punch, and to all the bloggers out there I didn't list, it's not you, it's me, really.

I'm Going to Go Out on a Limb . . .

. . . I've climbed the tree, I'm out on this limb, and here it goes, this post at Go Fug Yourself is the first, and will be the only ever post that features a picture of historian David McCullough.

I know that's a pretty risky prediction to make, but I'm pretty confident in my assessment.

Also, I'm pretty sure that Bai Ling, Sienna Miller, and Lindsay Lohan will all be featured some time in the next six months.

Your Weekly Dose of Bai Ling Related News

Bai Ling is a celebrity, of sorts. She's been in stuff, she was almost in other stuff, mostly she's famous for having trouble keeping all her stuff covered while in public.

The fug girls did her yesterday, but good, that photo deserves the treatment it gets. Not many folks have earned their own category at Go Fug Yourself, but perusing all the posts they've done on her over the years, she has earned it.

A few days ago, TMZ posted a video of her "dancing". Bai, St. Vitus called, he wants his dance back.

But as I contemplate Bai Ling more deeply, she's a woman of many layers, at least 23 of them which are completely crazy, and 8 or 9 of those crazy layers which I would probably really enjoy being around.

If They Raise That Curtain, They'll Lose the R Rating They Fought So Hard to Get . . .

. . .

My Guess Is "A"

link.

Court Ordered Anklets Are the New Black

Really?

Really

And, speaking of fashion, the Fug Girls are in NYC for Fashion Week, and guestblogging.

The First Fugging of the New Year!

The Fug Girls start 2007 by fugging my favorite auteur of quickie web videos.

First, what's wrong with partying like it's 1993?

Second, you've made the big time Kat!

Third, more videos please (from Kat, not the Fug Girls, though fugging videos of the fugging fug girls talking trash about fugging celebrities might be fun).

Fourth, since I somehow always seem to bring up Ken Jennings when talking about Kat Dennings, he has a funny post yesterday mixing in strange things his 4 year old said with slightly morbid thoughts about celebrities and reincarnation.

After you visit the Ken link, if you're wondering about my possibilities, I'd have to go with one of three, Aleqsandre Jorjoliani, Ted Hecht, or Judy Garland.

Random Blogger Bloggeriness

Two weeks to the election, a long, long, long two weeks. MSNBC has gone into full political mode, Tony Snow was on with Chris Matthews, not a fair fight at all (nobody's posted the video yet, surprisingly).

What I'm listening to right now on Urge? The Best of Hanson - The 20th Century Masters Millenium Collection (did I just admit that?)

An amusing and lengthy (for Kotaku) article crafted by Brian Ashcraft recounting attending a gaming event, that turned out to be of interest mainly for one of the voice actors (a Japanese porn star).

Also, Go Fug Yourselves Fug-girls! Sure Penelope Cruz is sort of dressed like Pres. Abraham Lincoln, she still looks cute, and hot, anyway. Y'all wish you could pull that off.

Would random blogger bloggeriness be complete without some YouTubeage? I think not. I present to you, Gorilla Lovemaking (interestingly it's been up since February, and hasn't been marked as offensive, and it isn't offensive as a matter of fact, just funny).