RESULTS Superbowl Humiliation

The original prognosticatory post, here.

So that was Superbowl XLI, an emphatic MEH! from me is all you'll get.

Rex Grossman was disappointingly the Bizarro Rex Grossman in the second half (or is that the real Rex Grossman, and the Rex Grossman who plays well the Bizarro Rex Grossman?).

Congratulations to Indianapolis, I ain't going to mention the silliness about certain biographical peculiarities regarding the two head coaches, cause that whole line of commentary has been ridiculously overblown. But I will link this Ed Driscoll piece touching on that (tangentially), cause I think he makes some good points.

I was satisfactorily incorrect regarding the outcome of this game.

I won't be moving to Las Vegas and wagering real money on the NFL's 2007 season, that's for sure (go Saints!!!, I'm moving up my 2010 prediction to 2008, Superbowl XLII, Saints 45 Titans 34)

As far as the specific wagers I pretended to make, here's the breakdown;

Billy Joel, Under 1m44s WRONG, I'm not going to bother to check whether I was right or wrong on this one, officially (BODOG doesn't give links to results, if I'd known that, I'd have gone somewhere else to find crazy bets to fake bet). I'm assuming it was over, it seemed eternal, his performance of the anthem. Breaking out the piano is what did me in on this pick, I expected him to go a capella. The (seemingly obligatory) flyby lost some of its impact given the weather conditions. $125 lost

First Challenge, Indianapolis CORRECT, Dungy threw the red flag first, so that's one for me $215 collected ($115 wager + $100 won)

Longest Punt Return, Indianapolis CORRECT, As I predicted, they kicked away from Hester consistently (plus the Colts barely punted in this game, they were too busy scoring), Chicago's only return 3 yards, Indianapolis' longest return 18 yards. $230 collected ($100 wager + $130 won)

Chicago Will Score in Every Quarter WRONG, Oh well, they scored in every odd quarter, does that count for something? $100 lost

Chicago -10.5 WRONG (and then some). Chicago's crappiness on offense killed the ability of Chicago's defense to stop Indianapolis' onslaught. Time of possession was grossly lopsided, and a defense can not stay on field for such long stretches and be expected to succeed. Of course, the vaunted Chicago defense didn't help themselves as they allowed some 3rd and long conversions that would have ended drives. But twice in the game there were turnovers on consecutive plays (Indy turned over the ball, only to have Chicago give it right back up on the very next play from scrimmage). That's got to be demoralizing, and when you consider that Indianapolis spent nearly the entire game in the scoring half of the field and the Chicago offense handed the ball over 4 times in the game, you have to consider the 29 points allowed to be an incredible display of defensive prowess. Had Chicago capitalized on their shocking opening kick off return and had done some more damage in the 1st quarter, the rest of the game might have played differently. But there were too many passes thrown up for grabs by Grossman, and on top of that he botched the snap twice on consecutive plays that utterly destroyed a promising drive in the 3rd quarter. It was raining, yes, but Manning was dealing with the same wet ball, and he managed to settle down after throwing an early pick. In summary, grrrr, arrgggghhh!!! $500 lost

So out of that imaginary $1040 wager, I still managed to keep $445 for a total loss of $555. Last time I (imaginarily) bet on Billy Joel (or for a Rex Grossman QB'd team, unless he gets a brain transplant like the one Brett Favre underwent when he was traded from Atlanta to Green Bay).

As far as a commercials post, they mostly sucked. Nothing that impressive, certainly no acid-tripping Busby Berkeley inspired BK madness, this time around. So I think I'll forgo that particular aspect of Superbowl recapping, other than to agree with all the folks telling this overwrought idiot to take a chill pill.

Too many of the commercials explored territory already explored. The FedEx ad, was the same add as the funnier Dinosaur/Cavemen ad from last year, but in space, and the Bud ad with the Boxer/Pitbull mix dreaming dreams of Dalmatian-hood was a rip-off on their Clydesdale wannabe donkey. The Sierra Mist ads were less funny, and the Snickers man-kiss add was also not shocking, not funny, just kind of lame. The Career Builder ads were cinematic, but overdone. I did like the new series of Toyota Tundra truck ads, those were some impressive stunts. So I'm not bothering with the screen-caps as there was nothing visually arresting or particularly caption worthy in any of the ads (I might have been able to think of something for the Coke ads, which were good, but they've been showing those in movie theatres for months, so they've lost any possible impact for me).

As far as Prince, I thought he was fantastic, but I can understand those who thought otherwise. The Purple One is a true showman, though, and a fantastic guitarist, and if a man can't hump his guitar suggestively while playing Purple Rain, when can he? And those dancers in their stiletto heels on the rain-soaked stage, I'm truly impressed that neither of them took a tumble.

OK, A couple screen shot, just to show off my **HD**-ness (on a separate post, for my own ease).

Weekly NFL Related Humiliation (Playoffs!!! Superbowl XLI Edition)

It's finally here, the big game, the last one of the season. Pitting the two teams that went deepest into the season undefeated, yet at times both teams looked unimpressive as they piled up their victories.

Nevertheless, we have Indianapolis versus Chicago in a game pitting a questionable offense versus a solid defense and vice versa.

If both teams play like they did last week, it will be an excellent game. The odds of that happening . . .?

(7:1)

Speaking of odds, betting on the Superbowl is a crazed frenzy where sane people do insane things with their money (nobody should ever bet real money on a coin flip, ever).

(yes I know there were two evers in that last parenthetical phrase)

The odds that Prince kicks all sorts of ass and turns in the best halftime show in the history of big time Superbowl halftime shows . . .?

(1:20)

(almost a sure thing)

As far as the humiliation, I'll pick the winner (against the spread), the over under, and a select group of those ridiculous props that crop up during this week at the various casinos and gambling sites.

Ridiculous prop lines are from Bodog as of 11:45pm ET 01/31/07

Chicago Bears v. Indianapolis Colts (-7) (o/u 48.5) Chicago +7 Over 48.5
I'm not sure why I'm leaning towards Chicago in this game, maybe it's just cause I like rooting for the underdog, and though the Colts clearly have the greater potential to put together an excellent game on both sides of the ball, I suspect that they won't. Also against this pick is that Chicago is much more likely to screw up either on offense or defense and turn in a terrible performance. But I think Grossman will be smart enough to not lose this game and given that both teams play the Cover 2 on defense, will get lots of practice seeing the same kind of defense that he'll see on Sunday during the week. Indianapolis' sudden improvement in stopping the run during their playoff run is an aberation I believe, and they'll be killed by Chicago's run game. Peyton Manning will play well, but he's not going to be able to do it alone, and if they're playing from behind, he'll get sacked, hurried, and knocked down too often to be able to engineer a comeback. If Chicago manages to jump out to an early lead of 10 or more points, I expect the Colts to crumble rather than rise to the occasion as they did against New England. It's just a hunch, not based on stats, recent performance, or anything that resembles reason. If Chicago loses, it will be a blowout, though. I suspect this game won't be close whichever team wins.

On to the crazy bets (I'll choose from 5 of these, just for kicks with a total budget of a completely fictional $1040)

1) How long will Billy Joel take to sing the National Anthem? o/u 1m44s (yes, that's a real wager available). Tough call, but I think he's not going to do a long drawn out version, so I'm going with the under on this one. UNDER 1m44s $125 laid to win $100

2) Team to Use Their Coaches Challenge First? Another one where it could go either way, but I believe Dungy is a big fan of throwing the red bean bag, so I'm going to go with Indy on this one. IND $115 laid to win $100

3) Team to Have the Longest Punt Return? The obvious choice would be to go with Chicago given that they have the electrifying Hester returning punts, and has scored multiple times, but because of this the Colts will avoid kicking towards him and settle for shorter, easier to cover punts, so Indy is more likely to have the longest return despite having less talented return ment. IND $100 laid to win $130

4) Will the Bears Score in Every Quarter? The line on this wager is heavily against the Bears pulling off this feat. To win $100 you need to wager $310, while if you bet $100 on yes, you win $215 dollars. This is a suckers bet if there ever was one, but I'm a sucker and I say YES. YES $100 to win $215

5) Alternative Game Line Chicago -3.5 points? These are interesting wagers, by changing the line you can alter greatly how much money you have to lay, or how much you get back. Since I have a hunch that Chicago will win outright, it would make sense to forego the points pick and instead go with either a money line play (no points, but you lay more money on the favorite to win $100 compared to the underdog). Most of the bets available on the Alternate Game Line bets are for a massive lopsided Colts victory, this is the only line favoring the Bears. Since I'm so confident in the Bears, and since I'm not betting actual money, I'd go ahead and drop a whopping $500 on Da Bears to win by better than 10.5 points for a potential profit of $2500. Hard to pass up a 5:1 shot. BEARS -10.5 $500 to win $2500

If I'm right on all these, I'm going to hate myself for not wagering real money, here's hoping I'm spectacularly wrong!

If you're wondering, yes, I'll be doing a commercial post of some kind, and my screen caps will be *New* and *Improved* and in *HD*!!!!