04 August 2009

On This Day, 48 Years Ago...

20090602_143 Beach



. . . The One chose to reveal his latest incarnation. He escaped the womb on August 4th, 1961, but His Oneness was made known even before the moment of birth. The exact point where He went from lump of cells to The Hope of Mankind Incarnate is still in dispute, and is an issue best left for theologians. Given The One's stance on reproductive rights, we have to assume He would have been comfortable with the notion that His Earthly Vessel of Birthing might have chosen a different path, and delayed his birth, but He could not afford the delay, so He made sure that His parents were prepared for His coming.

He chose a Kenyan father and Kansan mother so that He may be The One, for The One must be of The Many, and The Many can Worship The One. He chose to be a He, not because He-ness is better than She-ness, but because, unfortunately (as The Primary Opponent proved), the electorate isn't quite ready for She-ness in the House of White. He chose straightness, not because gayness would be a bad thing, but because of the Electorate again, and while The One must contain The Many, some of The Many must be contained only in His Compassion, and not in His orientation or gender.

The One chose a humble existence for His formative years, and He chose to be a traveler at His mother's side, eventually settling on The Island of The Chosen (and the Island of the Birthing, Despite what some naysayers say) to grow into a man. As all spiritual leaders must, He sinned, He struggled, He suffered, so that He may understand all that it means to be One with The Many. But to lead The Many, The One must be the best of us, so no state school would do for his education, Harvard Law beckoned, and The One answered the call.

The One also met The Wife, she would be the perfect balance to his Oneness, she would be the only one to have the audacity to not adore The One, and her lack of adoration makes The One love her all the more. The One had to work in evil law firms after graduation, but His Higher Calling lead him to that most noble of all enterprises, Community Organizing. Once The One solved all the problems faced by the citizens of His small section of Chicago (cursed are the naysayers who claim that problems remain, He gave them perfect love, and they have prospered), He embarked on his true calling, a life in politics.

His rise has been meteoric, and His rise is not at an end. He will reverse the rise of the oceans, and cool the fevered earth, He will heal Mother Gaia herself, and Mother Gaia will bless the earth for its people had the wisdom to follow The One. He understands that our prosperity is dooming Gaia, so he has worked feverishly to reverse decades of American (and yeah, even global) prosperity, and he has succeeded in that reversal beyond even the wildest imaginings of The One (and as you could imagine, the imaginings of such a blessed being could be quite wild).

The One knows that perfection frightens the masses, so The One makes sure to have bad weeks, and even months, he stumbles and mumbles, and hires incompetent cronies, not because he is imperfect, but because these flaws are necessary to prevent His Awesomeness from scaring the populous. He is wise in his compassion, and His willingness to seem so fallible, feeble, and forelorn during his first half year in office is all part of a larger plan to Be the Change That You Believe In.

So on this day, Day One, of Year 48 (the calendar does not yet reflect today as Day One, or this year as Year 48, but give it time, give it time), The One celebrated, and The Many celebrated with Him.

And as the future is not yet written, there are still forces that work against The One, and The Oneness He Will Bring. If our electorate is not wise, and rejects The One for his second term, Mother Gaia will punish the planet, for her wrath is great, but she will single out The United States for the greatest wrath, for they will have deserved it, and she will inflict her worst on The Flyover States, for those shall be the people that thwarted The Great Healing that The One was put on this planet to accomplish.

Do not let this darkness happen, do not fail The One, do not doom the planet, and celebrate The One who shall Unite The Many, for today is His Birthday.



[largely a repost of last year's birthday ode to The One, with a few lines added to reflect events that have passed since then, didn't see that whole destruction of the economy thing coming back in last August, or that the 'birther' nonsense would continue, that's for sure...]

4 comments:

chickenlittle said...

Merry Obamas!

chickenlittle said...

Abreviated by some as "O-mas"

XWL said...

From an article in the government run NYT 52 years hence:

August 4, 2061

Today is the centennial of ObaMas, and as has become tradition, hundreds of thousands of worshippers gathered in the National/Obama Mall between the Lincoln/Obama Memorial and the Washington/Obama Monument.

As per the custom, at noon, all gathered gave their best "O" face and simulated (and in some cases experienced) many minutes of orgasmic delight to the point of exhaustion

(that's the only piece of the article that slipped through a time tunnel)

chickenlittle said...

I love "Office Space"