27 June 2008

A Modest Suggestion for The Obama Presidential Campaign

Due to his stances on a variety of societal issues (Abortion and Gay Rights, mainly), Sen. Barack Obama may have some difficulty winning converts amongst "evangelical" voters.

I think there is one sure fire way to attract those that are born again and have had their sins washed away by the blood of Jesus.

Embrace the insinuations that you are the Antichrist (one typically rambling and insane example can be found in the comments to this Ambivablog post).

I know this sounds crazy, and the suggestions that you are the Antichrist are from the crazy fringes of crazyland, to be sure. But many evangelicals hope and pray that we are indeed at the end times, and the only way to hasten the return of Our Lord is to welcome the coming tribulations of the ascendancy of the Antichrist as foretold in Revelations.

You'd be joining an extensive list of historical figures who have been identified as being the Antichrist going back as far as Nero, through to various popes, even Ronald Wilson Reagan and Osama Bin Laden.

You'd be joining a long list of folks who have been called the Antichrist. It might seem counterintuitive to embrace these absurd insuniations, but when you see the amount of merchandise moved by The Left Behind series, you can't dismiss the effect that voters who sincerely desire the Second Coming and would be willing to suffer to see it hastened could have in the Electoral College. These modern day adventists could help to seriously boost your appeal, especially in states where you seem weak.

So, just a few subtle hints that conform to one crackpot theory or another will do. A blue turban would be a good start, that'd get the Nostradamus crowd, talk about requiring a national ID system, that'd get the 'Mark of the Beast' crowd going, talk about expanding our involvement in the UN and other international organizations, that'd get the 'New World Order' crowd frenzied.

All these moves (except for the turban) would be consistent with your stated policy goals, just find a way to play up the Messianic passions of your followers, play up your status as an agent of great change (and tribulations), and speak about the enduring peace that you shall bring a united and healed global community under your leadership (which come to think of it, pretty much is your current rhetoric), and you just might find yourself winning over the evangelical vote, not because they agree with you, but because they'll view you as a harbinger of the "end times".

It's a brilliant strategy, one that you seem to already be undertaking (come to think of it), so keep up the good work. Whether you've stumbled upon this ploy by accident or not, it's in your vested self interest to play it up for all its worth.

(also, find a way to fake suffering a traumatic head wound and then mount a miraculous and speedy recovery, that'd really freak out the end timers . . .)

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