01 April 2007

April 1st Guest Post Number 09, Hugo Chavez

Guest Post directly from "savior of all the peoples of North and South America" Hugo Chavez

That capitalist running dog pig thinks he can outfox me by letting me post at his site. Well I have news for him, I will take XWL up on his offer to post here, and he will see the through the glory of my words the rightness of my actions (My English is getting good, yes?)

I write these words in the English of the Imperialist Dogs, not because I have abandoned Spanish, the language of the people, but because I want this message to get out to as many people worldwide as possible.

My Bolivarian Revolution will not end in Caracas, or Quito, or Bogota, or Havana, or Managua, or Mexico City, or all the other Spanish speaking capitals in the Americas. Indeed Canada and even the United States are ripe for the taking and their people are begging for a firm, generous, and loving hand to guide them.

I am that hand.

I will guide them.

I will rule them.

I will unite all of the Americas and the Caribbean under one banner, under one glorious Bolivarian state, ruled by me. They will have all the joys of my rule, all the luxuries they desire, I will suspend all those evil "laws" of economics that they seem to think apply.

I will show them that those "laws" are meant to be broken and that my type of socialism won't lead to privation and shortages like capitalist pig newspapers claim, but instead will lead to glory and prosperity for all the masses.

Under my guidance you will not be ruled by sulfurous devils, but instead will be ruled by a champion of the people.

As a champion of the people, here are a few of the things I will be doing as I run your countries. I will bed your hottest women, but only so that they may have glorious babies that share my glorious genes so that this glorious revolution can continue for generations. The hottest women of each of the nations of the Americas will be invited to my palace in Caracas, and we will mate, the brightest of those offspring will then become President for Life of their respective home countries. These Hereditary Presidencies are the truest and onliest form of democracy, and will ensure that the people of the entire Western Hemisphere continue for decades to come to have leadership they can admire.

Of course, I will also taste the excesses that a consumer economy provides, not out of personal greed, but out of a desire to understand how the eeeevil capitalist mind works. I will take no pleasure in my indulgences, instead I will be using this knowledge to help prevent the spread of the worst of these indulgences throughout my kingdom, errr I mean United Countries of All the Americas.

My revolution will not stop at the borders of Venezuela, or even end with my death (I know comrades, the thought of going on with out me is hard to take, but you must go on), no this will be a permanent revolution, one that will last for an eternity.

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