RESULTS: Weekly NFL Related Humiliation: Week 5

Woohoo! Complete, total, and utter humiliation. Weeks like these are always a bracing reminder that picking games against the spread should be done strictly for entertainment purposes only, absolutely no wagering.

The Picks:

Oakland Raiders (+15) over NY GIANTS (BS: NYG)
Dallas Cowboys (-8) over KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (BS: KC)
New England Patriots (-3.5) over DENVER BRONCOS (BS: DEN)
TENNESSEE TITANS (+3.5) over Indianapolis Colts (BS: IND)
NY Jets (-1.5) over MIAMI DOLPHINS (BS: MIA)

The Results:

Oakland Raiders 7, NY Giants 44 (D'oh)
I guess I have to accept that the Giants (5-0) are the best, or at least one of the top three teams in the league. And that whole bit about Oakland (1-4) being surprisingly frisky for one game, nevermind. Right now there are rumors swirling that both the Raiders and Rams might be angling to get back to Los Angeles (or City of Industry to be more precise). I think I can speak for all of Los Angeles in saying, thanks, but no thanks, we prefer both of those teams just where they are.

Dallas Cowboys 26, Kansas City Chiefs 20 (D'oh)
Missed it by that much. Once it went into overtime, then the game was over as far as the spread was concerned. And in a game pitting one awful Kansas City (0-5) team verus one slightly worse than mediocre Dallas (3-2) team, there's really no caring about this game other than from a gambling aspect, as neither of these teams will be getting even a whiff of post season action.

New England Patriots 17, Denver Broncos 20 (D'oh)
I managed not to tweet any 'yellow in front, brown in back' flavored jokes throughout this game. I feel like that's an accomplishment of sorts as those Denver Broncos (5-0) throwback jerseys were fairly hideous in HD. I've always like the late 70s to mid 80s New England (3-2) jerseys, that goofy football snapping dude in the three cornered hat on their helmet was sort of endearing. As far as the game goes, Orton keeps on getting the job done, so maybe it's time to start believing in the new and much improved Broncos. Either that, or New England just isn't very good right now, and they need to make no mistakes against decent teams if they hope to beat them.

Indianapolis Colts 31, Tennessee Titans 9 (D'oh)
Tennessee (0-5) have collapsed as a team. They are anemic on offense, and porous on defense. That'll earn you a 0-5 start in the NFL. Meanwhile, Indianapolis (5-0) are riding one near perfect Peyton Manning performance after another. If he keeps this up, the Manning v Manning in the Superbowl hype is going to get crazy by week 10 or so. In a scheduling quirk, the Colts get consecutive bye weeks coming up, and don't play a real game till November (OK, not really, but they are off week 6, and play St. Louis week 7, so that's as close to back to back bye weeks as you can get), after that they are going to be involved in some real games, so don't expect an undefeated season from them, and even after this fast start they could stumble to a 10-6 record.

New York Jets 27, Miami Dolphins 31 (D'oh)
New York (3-2) have dropped two in a row, and allowed Miami (2-3) to ram the wildcat down their throat in the closing minutes to snatch away a game that looked like the Jets should have won. Also, who knew Ricky Williams was still capable of being Ricky Williams? When their gimmicks work, Miami looks pretty good, and they have a solid defense, they probably aren't very good overall, but they can compete, and replacement Chad is probably an upgrade over old Chad, so they might be looking at a sort of respectable 8-8 or 9-7 year. The Jets are going to have to tighten up and play the kind of defense they did in their first three victories if they want to look like a playoff team again.

So, that was that, a perfectly dreadful 0-5 week, while My Nemesis had a perfect 5-0 week. I probably wouldn't have picked the Raiders, but for noticing that all my other picks went against Bill Simmons' picks, so I flipped that one just for the heck of it, and I thought there might have been a chance that the Giants would overlook the Raiders, but that didn't happen. At least his beloved BoSox got swept by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, there is some small comfort in that (along with the real Los Angeles baseball team, Los Dodgers, also sweeping their series).

Season totals, I drop to a craptacular 10-15, while Bill Simmons leaps to an impressive 17-8. Next week I won't pick against him just to pick against him.

And I didn't lie, last week in the results I wrote, "Im done with mediocrity, next week I'll bring some spectacularity to my picks.". You can be a spectacular success, or a spectacular failure, in being spectacular I didn't fail, and in failing I was spectacular.