02 October 2007

Because I Am a Connoisseur of Really Bad Pop Culture Trash . . .

. . . I'm going to watch Cavemen and Carpoolers tonight so that you don't have to. I imagine that it's a task best left to professionals, but I'll endure this experience as an object lesson on what corporate America thinks will entertain the average American male.

How stupid do they think we are? The only way to know for sure is to watch this stuff, if I survive, I'll post about it later this evening.

UPDATE:

That's 22 minutes I'll never get back. It's crap. It's the crap that crap would crap if crap had a digestive tract. Actually, it's the crap that crap's crap would crap if crap's crap had a crapper.

(how's that for a review?) A review of Carpoolers to follow, along with a lengthy thought exercise on what these programs mean with regards to representations of masculinity in current American pop culture (or not).

UPDATE, Part II, The Quickening:

About Carpoolers, OK, that was just crap, but not what crap would crap if crap had a digestive tract.

About what this means for perceptions of masculinity being foisted upon folks by TV writers, they hate guys. They hate family men, they hate them with a passion. They view them as a collection of neuroses and driven by a constant fear of not measuring up and are perpetually one incident or comment by the women in their lives from being utterly emasculated. To be a 'man' on a sitcom, is to be completely and utterly dick-less and ball-less. All sitcom men are Ken dolls, with smooth plastic areas where their sex organs should be. I don't get it, I don't understand how they think this kind of programming should be attractive towards men (the advertising for this craptacular hour of 'comedy' pushed it as a "Mandate"), and I don't understand where this contempt comes from.

It's unfunny, uninteresting, and unfortunately, unsurprising. If advertisers wonder why they can't find the coveted 18-34 year old male audience watching this stuff, this is why. Belittling your target audience isn't a formula for success. No wonder your target audience for this crap² spends their time playing Halo 3 instead.

2 comments:

Icepick said...

I don't understand where this contempt comes from.

It's unfunny, uninteresting, and unfortunately, unsurprising.


Yes, but it's very easy to come up with this particular brand of insipidnous. Plus, men are the last grouping that can be insulted with PC impunity.

gt281 said...

just thought you'd like to know about some new shows coming this fall.......

TV FALL PREVIEW…………………….
Just read the Sunday papers fall TV preview section,,
And it’s pretty exciting I can tell you… Here’s just a small sample of some the glorious new TV shows that will be coming to the glowing cube in your living room… Yep,, stupefying new entertainment shows thought up,, by those 1 million, 2 million, 3 million dollar a year men from La-La land and the New City,, all of them between the ages of 12 & 14 yrs,, who think that You-Tube videos are the greatest thing since ding-dongs and sliced bread…………………

THAT GIRL 2007……
The fantasy adventures of Britney… She gets married,, 45 minutes later gets divorced,, gets married again,, gets divorced again,, has two kids,,
cuts all her hair off,, goes on drug filled holidays with her paid for friends (no not those friends),, gets fat,,
forgets how to dance and lip-synch,, loses kids,,
laments why me… All the while being pursued by vicious hordes of flash-bulb demons…
…Pretty exciting stuff,, somebody sure has a wild
imagination to dream all that fantastic stuff up…
How do the critics rate it??
8 out of 10 stars…WOW………………..

SURVIVAL SUPERMARKET………..
The never ending battle of Susie homemaker,,
lost in the superduper market,, dragging behind her
4 kids,, tied to her waist with dog leases… Watch each week as she tries to survive in the isles of the superduper,, can she get by the broken chip and dip sampler dish,, hey,, are those flies in that chip dip??...
Must be just raisins,, can she race by the two senile geriatrics in walkers,, going 1 foot per hour,, (the snail wins),, can she get past the 600 lb lady in the
motorized cart now blocking the entire isle,, watch her as she tries to get by the family of foreign speakers with their eight kids in the “hot car” shopping carts,, can she convince the check-out teller,, that her coupons did not expire two weeks ago… Watch every week,, as she zooms by the fruits,,
vegetables,, and meat counters…
How do the critics rate it??
10 out of 10 stars…WOW (6 episodes at least before cancellation)………………..

HULK’S HEROES……………….
The zany antics of Hulk Hogan and his group of captured American flyboys,, held captive by the minions of Tokyo Joe,, in the jungles of Saipan… Watch each week has Hulk and his men outwit the witless,, sending secret messages to the pacific fleet,, hiding the radio transmitters in their spandex briefs… Watch each week watch as Hulk Hogan has his shirt ripped off by the guards in a wrestling match…. Wow,, a winner…
How do the critics rate it??
4 out of 10 stars…OUUU (not to good)………………..

SPORTS COURT TV………….
Watch the real life “stories” of famous millionaire
sports figures,, as they try to explain,, “I didn’t do nothin”,, to the judge… Special quest appearances
by O. J. Simpson……
How do the critics rate it??
2 out of 10 stars…NOT GOOD (need a murder trial or something,, hey,, maybe O. J. can…)………………..

DANCING WITH A CONVICT………
Fantastic step on toes dance steps preformed live,, by fourth string actors in the 6x6 jail cells of convicted murders,, rapists,, and thieves…
Watch as Simon,, wearing a black t-shirt that’s three times to small,, judges and ridicules them... Watch what happens when the lights go out….. Exciting…
How do the critics rate it??
8 out of 10 stars…WOW…(must be produced by
t-shirt Simon)……………..

THE RAPPER SHOW……….
Presented by Murder Inc… 6 contestants performing
live on stage,, lib-syncing and dancing to the tune of
“george,, george,, george of the jungle”…
Each weeks show ends with Chinese eyed Joan Rivers commenting on their fashion style…
How do the critics rate it??
2 out of 10 stars… (hope MTV doesn’t hear about this)………………….








BEWITCHED 2007…………
With the Olsen twins as Samantha and Marrin,,
(a lesbian bewitched?? Nagh..)… Also starring
Rosie O’Donnell as the ever meddling wicked mother-in law of the East… Special guest appearances by the “Donald” as Uncle Arthur...
How do the critics rate it??
10 out of 10 stars…WOW………………..

6 GAY MEN AND A GEISHA…………
Watch as the geisha and the 6 gay men compete and argue on how best to clean house….
Brought to you by Johnson & Johnson cleaning products……….
How do the critics rate it??
2 out of 10 stars…………..

DEATH TALK SHOW……….
A round table discussion about politics and daily news events,, starring Don Imus,, Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh… (should be a blood bath)…
How do the critics rate it??
12 out of 10 stars…OH BOY………………..

HOTTY RECEPTIONIST…..
Each week the shows producers find and try to get a
Hotty receptionist onto the casting couch…
Special features include peep-hole cameras and hidden microphones…
How do the critics rate it??
10 out of 10 stars…WOW… (“special” producer videos now available for $19.95,, must be over 18)……………

MONDAY NIGHT NFL COMMERCIALS…..
Each week your favorite commercials are interrupted by 20 seconds of NFL football action,, brought to you by Lincoln, Ford, Mercury, Toyota, Chevrolet, Dodge,
Nissan and Mercedes Benz…
How do the critics rate it??
20 out of 10 stars…WOW… (critics salaries are paid for by car makers,, you know)……………..

These are just a few of the great,, stupendous,, mystifying,, imaginative,, entertaining,, glorious,,
rip-roaring,, thought provoking,, laugh loaded shows that are on the fall TV schedule…………….

What ever happened to Rod Serling anyway??...
Thank God I have 250 stations of music on DTV………