What He Lacks in Coherence, He More Than Makes Up For in Insanity . . .

Ahhh, Steven Weber, how do I love thee, let me count the ways . . .

Here's some highlights of his most recent missive entitled, "Getting It Off My Chest (or Channeling Andy Rooney On Peyote)"

I hate these fucks, with their secret agendas and insatiable thirsts to control all the energy and all the money and all the people. I loathe them for not being able to cope with inadequate genitalia. If I can, you can! Jesus, get over it!

My take-away from that paragraph is that Steven Weber will never be doing a 'full frontal' scene. Personally, I'm relieved, and not at all disappointed.

It's strange to me how it's all come to this. It would be as if the affable owner of a general store where everyone in the neighborhood bought their goods and sundries, this guy who knew you by your first name and patted kids on the head and didn't crap a flat tire if you needed some credit, all of a sudden felt that it was utter anathema to have such a calling and shifted from avuncular to nucular overnight, charging exorbitant fees for bubble gum and isopropyl alcohol and taking it upon himself to torch the competing establishment a block away. And then somehow blame his customers for it.

My take-away from that paragraph is, 'Huhh?!?'. It's really like that? I'd buy myself some land in Costa Rica, stock it with Bond-Villain style concubine/bodyguards and leave Ameruhkkka to the fundanutters if I believed as Steven Weber seems to believe.

And why are all the assholes in charge? Why do they have all the guns and conscripted armies and get to go to summits and fund weapons research? How about developing a music gun? Or a fruit bomb? Drop some fucking fruit bombs on pissed off radicals and get 'em all hopped up on vitamin c and anti-oxidents or whatever the hell and just call it a day? And if the douchebags really want to they can wear crowns or sashes or tiny flag lapel pins if it makes 'em feel like big men.

In the Weberverse, the draft is clearly still on, and aging passive-aggressive comedic character actors have the highest lottery numbers. Uncle Jam wants you Steven Weber, he wants you to Funk With Him.

I realise Weber is low hanging fruit (or given his inadequate genitalia, not so low hanging), but sometimes it's fun to examine just what is coming out of the fevered swamp of 'progressive-land'.

If somehow the Democrats keep hold the legislative and win the executive branch of government in 2008, I can gaurantee I'll have some pointed comments to make about the legislation they're likely to pass, but I can't imagine every spewing this sort of sputtery nonsense, or display a hatred towards the people that elected them.

This is mainly here as a reminder to all those in "fly-over" land, that the folks that surround me in La-La Land and work in the Dream Factory really hate you, deeply, passionately, and would ignore you completely if they didn't want your money so damn bad. If films that only played on the coasts could gross $250M instead of struggling to make $5M then you'd never see a 'crowd-pleasing' blockbuster again. But they'll sneak as much America-hating rhetoric into the margins of those films as they can get away with. Ex-military always have PTSD and are a little too gun crazy. There's always corruption at the top. Hot chicks always work for 'progressive' causes. And it's always about THE OIL.

They can't comprehend why all you 'non-coastals' haven't embraced every 'progressive' position and whim over the past few decades (they've implanted those concepts in every conceivable media, yet you still resist, why?), and they really can't understand how you could find Jeff Foxworthy entertaining (OK, I'm with my La-La brethren on that one, but that doesn't mean I hate y'all).

I'm Well On My Way to Becoming Steven Weber's Biggest Fan!!!

If it's the case -- and hell, we're talking about the Bush administration here! -- then that can only mean the short, exciting life of the United States is almost at an end. Because it is become insane. And its leaders are amoral. And its actions are erratic. And its last days will be spent cringing angrily, clinging to souvenirs of victories past.

From Steven Weber's HuffPo post about Pat Tillman. I couldn't dream of coming up with rhetoric that ridiculous while satirizing insane left-think in a million years. I am in awe of his lack of reality (wait, sorry, he's 'reality based').

I think he's secretly a conservative, and only pretends to be an insane lefty in order to discredit that viewpoint. I can't explain this level of hatred otherwise. In a few short paragraphs his incandescent, unhinged, unreasoning, and immature tantrum about the current administration perfectly distills all that's wrong with 'progressive' America-hating paranoia.

Bravo to you Mr. Weber, you are the Maestro, again, Bravo!, Bravo!!, Bravo!!!

You Were the Best Thing In Studio 60, But Dude, Lighten Up . . .

Steven Weber has An Open Letter to Republicans (at HuffPo)

Your faith is fierce, your devotion is duly noted. But before long, those noble qualities will be the very things that allow the hijackers occupying the White House to complete their sacking of the republic. Your misplaced loyalty will prove to have been the strength that is turned into weakness by the cunning, spirit destroying practitioners of the art of the overthrow.

Yet the apologists still sputter away, their sneers and snipes honed to perfect, diamond hardness. So intoxicated by the endless stream of endorphins released during their saber-rattling gallop over fifty years of progressive legislation, the Republican light brigade that once trumpeted Compassionate Conservatism is now comprised of rotting principles, thwarting functioning government and seeking to demonize common sense.

With rhetoric like that, I'm sure he'll persuade many folks to change their minds (or not).

It's a new tactic, I guess, instead of the 'all Rethuglicans are eeeevil' it's 'you neo-cons are just misled, and for the good of the nation must embrace the only rational and righteous path of the ever expanding, compassionate, massive, and massively involved in each and every aspect of your lives federal government, or you're a dope'. Also, leave Iraq yesterday, who cares about the consequences, worked out in Southeast Asia back in the 70s, didn't it? As I understand it, you are suggesting that 'progressivism' is merely common-sense, while any that oppose progressivism is an easily duped idiot who is helping destroy our country. Got it, makes perfect sense.

I won't write an "open letter", instead I'll just fire off a memo to Steven Weber . . .

Dude, talk to an actual conservative, hang out at the Reagan Library one Saturday, chat with some of the visitors, ask them non-leading questions about broad concepts like patriotism, federalism, or liberty, and maybe you'll realize how ridiculous and unpersuasive your 'open letter' is.

I hope you don't expect to persuade anybody, and this is just meant to get into some ultra-lefty cutie's pants, if that's the case, I understand, and sympathize.

Otherwise, dude, chill, seriously (and I mean it about visiting the Reagan Library, you might learn something).