Mail, Daily --- I Read the British Tabs, So You Don't Have To...

Headlines I couldn't make up, even if I wanted to...

Hayden Panettiere rings in her 21st birthday with Oompa-Loompas, seven foot chickens and even some sheep!

Wow. I thought what happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas. Tiger Woods and the various women whose company he 'enjoyed', have set a terrible precedent with regards to reporting the goings on that happen in that wonderful city.

Now $5m man The Situation lands $400,000 deal to promote 'ab-building' vodka

On a side note, seriously, The Jersey Shore is being shown in the United Kingdom?!? Also, the one thing that had been missing in my life that I didn't know I needed until it finally came to market was protein infused vodka. Other Jersey Shore inspired products awaiting approval, strawberry-flavored fortified sparkling wine with your daily Valtrex medication, spray-on tan/mosquito repellant, and of course, a brand new line of Jersey Gelatto, a perfect melange of traditional Italian frozen desserts, mixed in with a juicy dose of both anabolic steroids and human growth hormone!

Stick-thin Whitney Port's sister makes a Twit of her on trip to coffee house

Here's today's dose of Daily Mail paparrazi shots taken in my humble little home town of Santa Monica. It's rare for a day to go by where this paper doesn't pick up a shot of some minor to major 'celebrity' going about their daily business. Usually it's a woman, and most of the time some sort of comment is made about their clothing, or body. The attitude in their "Femail" section regarding body types and body image are all over the map. While they often celebrate 'real' women, they also focus a absurd amount of attention on stupid non-flaws that no sane person would even consider (see, for example this recent, SHAKIRA HAS STRETCH MARKS! article, which every other place that posted the exact same picks instead focused on the, 'look at how ridiculously sexy Shakira looks' angle, rather than picking out some super-minor, nearly impossible to see, and most likely a result of sweat and running make-up rather than stretch marks, and even if they were stretch marks, who the hell cares?)

And a note to Whitney, instead of hitting the Bean, try one of the many small independent coffee houses along Broadway, the stalkerazzi seem to not bother anyone there, if you hit the shops on Montana or Main, you will get snapped, just some friendly advice next time you visit this sunny seaside town.