If You Can't Beat Them, Threaten to Behead Them . . .

(via Drudge)

This is getting some play, I'm not sure why the Vatican is pushing this. The Vatican has released figures showing that for the first time, the numbers of Muslims exceeds the numbers of Catholics globally.

The comparison they make isn't really apples to apples, or even apples to oranges, it's more a single orange to a bushel of apples.

The Vatican treats Islam as a single religion, which it most certainly is not, and they acknowledge that if all Christians are counted together, than Christians still swamp Muslims in total.

But, I'm nothing if not a problem solver, so here are four easy steps for the Catholic Church to regain the global lead in numerical single denomination religious superiority:

1) In prosperous western countries, it's quite common to be a 'lapsed Catholic', or a 'non-practicing Catholic', basically you are Catholic by birth and family tradition, but otherwise don't consider yourself religious. Fight that the way many Muslims do. Declare lapsed Catholics apostates worthy of a painful death, preferrably through beheading (or stoning), and stage noisy street demonstrations on a regular basis demanding that any Catholic who doesn't behave Catholic enough be threatened with death.

2) Another step to take is to incorporate tactics of groups like CAIR. Insinuate that any negative depictions of Catholics or their clergy are racist in origin, foster hatred amongst peoples, and likely to provoke a violent counter-reaction from the radical fringe within the religion (and rather than castigating that violent fringe, convey the opinion that the media are the ones that should change and self-censor, rather than the fringe loonies learning to get over themselves)

3) Babies, babies, and more babies, while the official doctrine of the Church is to forbid birth control, that doctrine isn't followed religiously by very many Catholics it would seem, given comparative birth rates. Not sure how you change this, other than again, adopt a model that seems to have been successful with large swathes of Islamic populations. It's time to un-empower women. Women who have choices in life, tend to choose to have fewer babies. Take their choices away, encourage a worldview that keeps women at home, and men at work, and the only honorable task for a woman of child bearing age is to bear children.

4) Finally, once you've done everything you can to shore up numbers internally, the last thing left to do is to go after external populations. First, declare all Protestants to be non-Christian, and only through the Catholic church can you find Christ. Back this up not just with words, but with deeds, blow up non-Catholic churches and holy sites. No reason to stop with other Christians, though, declare anybody and everybody who is not part of the church as being against the church and fit for death unless they submit to the authority of the Vatican in religous matters. It'd be done out of kindness, not malice, if there is only one true way to God's love, then everything must be done to ensure that everyone feels that love (or is dispatched into the afterlife if they resist).

It may seem like I'm trying to drag the Catholic Church back to the pre-Reformation Middle Ages with these suggestions, and you'd be right. But, with these four simple steps, they ought to be able to get their numbers to swell beyond the current 1.13 Billion Catholics and see well over half the total population of the planet fall under their banner.

(and why is it OK for Islamic leaders to try and keep their people in an unenlightened Medieval state, while it would be obviously ridiculous to suggest the same for Catholics specifically, or Christians in general?)