24 January 2008

The First Lady Problem . . .

Sad to hear Rep. Dennis Kucinich drop out of the race (OK, not really), a shame that his wife won't be first lady.

I say given the semi-official nature of the job, why not make it a job, and not just the de facto responsibility of the poor slob who happens to have had the bad luck to be married to a politician ambitious and crazy enough to run for President of the United States?

I'm sorry to see that Sen. Fred Thompson dropped out, also, but he'll make a fantastic Vice President to either Sen. McCain, Gov. Romney, or Mayor Giuliani.

If Sen. Obama wins, I think he should pick Oprah (if he hadn't already picked her as a running mate) to be his First Lady, his wife doesn't seem to have the temperament.

If Sen. Clinton wins, I think she shouldn't even think about unleashing her husband on the spouses of foreign dignitaries, and instead hold a reality show competition to pick her First Lady. Martha Stewart could host the show, it could be similar to her version of The Apprentice, but meaner (at the end of the show, she could pull a Dick Cheney, and after being tasked with finding the best candidate for the position, pick herself).

If Gov. Romney wins, though his wife seems like a fine enough woman, I think he should go with fellow Mormon Marie Osmond as First Lady.

If Mayor Giuliani wins, I think he should just show up to the First Lady functions in drag, he could be his own First Lady, or barring that, he'd need a woman that screams NYC, and what better candidate than hipster extraordinare and one third of Misshapes, Leigh Lezark (aka Princess Coldstare)?

If Sen. McCain wins, though his wife is a lean elegant woman with a fine helmet of hair, I think instead he should go younger and more famous and convince Sarah Michelle Gellar to take on the role. Buffy the Vampire Slayer as First Lady would be pretty awesome, and would help push the image of the McCain Administration as being young and vigorous.

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