03 May 2007

I Have Some Suggestions . . .

A Canadian magazine seeks candidates for "the worst Canadian", naturally I have a few suggestions.

Unfortunately, I can't find the links and sources for my candidates, you'll just have to take my word for the existence of these folks.

Candidate A (or is that Ehh?): Derek MacIntyre of Dauphin, Manitoba (b. 1904 d. 1983)
It was reported by reliable witnesses that over a 50+ year period Derek visited the same diner on Main St. and in all those visits not once said please or thank you to any of the waitstaff.

Candidate B: Dominic Marie de Borchave-Deveraux of Hull, Quebec (b. 1953 - )
He is reported to be the smelliest French Canadian in all of Quebec (no small feat). Through a combination of infrequent bathing, eschewing of niceties such as soap, toothpaste, deodorant (too bourgeois), and his work as an artist specializing in mixed media installations that focus on creative taxidermy, coupled with his diet consisting mainly of french bread liberally drizzled with melted garlic butter, this aging dirty hippie manages to be the singularly stinkiest gentleman in all of Canada (again, no small feat).

Candidate C: Robert "Bonzo" Dillingham of Vancouver, British Columbia (b. 1983 - )
Known amongst his friends as the biggest mooch in all of Vancouver. Is reported that he takes the biggest and most frequent bong hits at any social gathering, and furthermore has not once been known to have shared his own stash or pitched in when new supplies were being procured.

Candidate D: Jack Brockton of Whitehorse, Yukon (b. 1937 - )
This person may have a Canadian passport, but he can hardly call himself a Canadian. He doesn't drink beer, doesn't like hockey, and thinks nationalized health care is a big waste of money and a huge mistake. Furthermore, he thinks Canada is lucky to have the United States as a neighbor and thinks folks who whine about the USA are silly. Truly villainous thoughts for a Canadian.

Anyway, those are my suggestions. I'm sure there must be worse Canadians out there.

(and before I forget, heh heh, the magazine is named "The Beaver", heh heh)


Icepick said...

Dude, it's a trick question. All Canadians are the same. (It's the socialism!) Any Canadian = The Best Canadian = The Worst Canadian.

Pastor_Jeff said...

Well, if the second guy is the stinkiest guy in Quebec, then by default he's the smelliest in all of Canada.