22 January 2007

Shhhhhh! Mr. Lileks, Now You've Gone and Given Mr. Glass an Idea That He'll Probably Do As A Project With Peter Sellars . . .

That's not a misspelling, I do mean this Peter Sellars.

What Lileks wrote in the most recent Bleat

For once the Philip Glass score didn’t annoy me, even though the lyrics might as well consist of “teeter totter” repeated ad infinitum. Someone should do a Philip Glass concert, play all his works, and have a massive choir sing Teeter Totter for nine hours. Or perhaps “Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater / Had a Wife and Couldn’t Keep Her.” Then the sopranos could sing a “Pattycake Pattycake” ostinato over that. Bingo: instant Glass.

What I can imagine happening . . .

Phil: "Hey, Peter, I was googling myself (XWL's note: Yes, I imagine even Philip Glass googles himself now and again), and found this suggestion from some guy in Minnesota that all my scores sound like a bunch of singers droning on for hours with nonsense lyrics of snippets of playground conversations--"

Peter: "Don't say another word! I was just thinking of doing something along those lines, this would be perfect! Let's do it! (XWL's note: Yes, I imagine Peter Sellars speaks nearly every sentence as if it ended in an exclamation point)

Phil: "Any ideas for a plot?" (from his end of the conversation, Phil hears a thud, some clanging noises, and then uproarious laughter)

Peter: "Sorry, you actually had me rolling on the floor laughing with that one! Plot?! In one of my original operas! Ha! And double Ha!

Phil: "No, seriously, what should this opera be about?"

Peter: "Besides about nine hours? Well, naturally it will be about how Boooosh is evil, and then you got to throw in some sort of pending global warming catastrophe angle, so howabout this, for
nine hours we'll have various singers act like a five year old school yard bully while wearing a huge Chimpy McBu$hHitler papier mache head, while other cast are dressed like the locals of various foreign places. . ."

Phil: "Brilliant, so far . . ."

Peter: "OK, and after three acts of him pushing kids around a playground set, and this set, I'm thinking, huge oversized playground equipment, like a 50 foot tall jungle gym built to resemble the WTC, and a huge swing that's about 30 feet tall, and maybe a tetherball that's on a massive pole, something like that . . ."

Phil: "I'm loving it, the music is already written, I've got 4 notes already picked out and I've put them in the randomizer to chose the order they'll be played . . ."

Peter: "Wait! I haven't gotten to the best bit! At the last act break, we'll enclose the entire stage in airtight waterproof glass, and flood the whole stage in murky water to simulate the ongoing disaster that is global warming"

Phil: "Enough, enough, I can't take anymore, this is just too good, now let's apply for some government grants, and when they reject us, scream about how the evil Booosh Regime is stifling

Peter: "Sounds great, I'll have my people get on it! Always great hearing from you, Phil."

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