Why Translate With Precision When You Can Translate With Truthiness

The following may not be a precise translation of recent statements from Cuba, but I suspect they are closer to the truth than what anyone else will tell you, from the desk of the 'Maximum Leader'

"The exact details of my health status are a state secret, sorry I'd love to tell you exactly how fantastically well I am, but due to the evil forces of evil doers, I think it's best that I don't divulge my exact status.

Also, my designated successor hasn't yet appeared in public, but that doesn't mean anything, I mean, if you saw the way he looked, and the way I looked, you'd think he was the one facing a health crisis and not me.

All this is to say, I'm not dead, really, I'm not, I'd be the first to know afterall, and believe me, if I died, I'd tell you all, because I love you so much, so in summation, Death to America, Long Live the Revolution, and The Yankees are Evil (both referring to the NY Yankees, and Americans in general)."